I feel like staying friends with someone you went on dates with should be much better than never wanting to see them again ever.
It isn’t: if you’re romantically interested in someone, seeing that person going out with someone else, or hearing about how happy/unhappy s/he is with the significant other, is extremely painful, and usually vastly more so than the benefit of a friendship.
This of course assuming that the offer of friendship is honest, which in my experience (which could be heavily biased) is almost never the case.
There’s also the not vanishingly small chance that offering friendship is a test for which the correct answer (that is, the answer that leads to a date) is “No thanks, I’ve already have plenty of friends.”
It isn’t: if you’re romantically interested in someone, seeing that person going out with someone else, or hearing about how happy/unhappy s/he is with the significant other, is extremely painful, and usually vastly more so than the benefit of a friendship.
Replace “you” with “I”. You’re probably generalizing from one example/other-optimizing.
He is generalising, but it isn’t from one example. It is hardly an uncommon phenomenon, even if it is not universal. (Inserting ‘often’ would be a suitable alternative to limiting to “I”).
You’re probably generalizing from one example/other-optimizing.
Omega forbid!
I realize the phrasing is miscalibrated, I only inteded suggesting that it’s not always the case that the friendship is much better than no relation at all.
Although I do believe that it’s often the case that friendship is the losing option...
It isn’t: if you’re romantically interested in someone, seeing that person going out with someone else, or hearing about how happy/unhappy s/he is with the significant other, is extremely painful, and usually vastly more so than the benefit of a friendship.
It depends. At university I remember having a crush on a guy. He started dating one of my friends. I was a bit jealous at first, but I got over it, we became good friends and the crush faded over time. By the time we shared a house in second year I was no longer romantically interested at all.
I guess It’s possible that I’m unusual or that this sort of thing doesn’t happen to men as much as women.
ETA: Thinking about this, I don’t think I’ve successfully ended up being close friends with a guy that I’ve turned down, though I remain friendly acquaintances with a lot of them.
It isn’t: if you’re romantically interested in someone, seeing that person going out with someone else, or hearing about how happy/unhappy s/he is with the significant other, is extremely painful, and usually vastly more so than the benefit of a friendship.
That’s not been my experience at all. Probably, people differ.
It isn’t: if you’re romantically interested in someone, seeing that person going out with someone else, or hearing about how happy/unhappy s/he is with the significant other, is extremely painful, and usually vastly more so than the benefit of a friendship.
This of course assuming that the offer of friendship is honest, which in my experience (which could be heavily biased) is almost never the case.
There’s also the not vanishingly small chance that offering friendship is a test for which the correct answer (that is, the answer that leads to a date) is “No thanks, I’ve already have plenty of friends.”
Replace “you” with “I”. You’re probably generalizing from one example/other-optimizing.
He is generalising, but it isn’t from one example. It is hardly an uncommon phenomenon, even if it is not universal. (Inserting ‘often’ would be a suitable alternative to limiting to “I”).
Omega forbid!
I realize the phrasing is miscalibrated, I only inteded suggesting that it’s not always the case that the friendship is much better than no relation at all.
Although I do believe that it’s often the case that friendship is the losing option...
It depends. At university I remember having a crush on a guy. He started dating one of my friends. I was a bit jealous at first, but I got over it, we became good friends and the crush faded over time. By the time we shared a house in second year I was no longer romantically interested at all.
I guess It’s possible that I’m unusual or that this sort of thing doesn’t happen to men as much as women.
ETA: Thinking about this, I don’t think I’ve successfully ended up being close friends with a guy that I’ve turned down, though I remain friendly acquaintances with a lot of them.
That’s not been my experience at all. Probably, people differ.