I think women actually give men advice by telling them how they’d like to … be dated? At least, that’s what I do. Which makes me think army1987′s mother probably wanted a hypergentlemanly man to lavish her with niceness and gifts and attention. Actually, maybe she was experiencing a shortage of gifts and attention from someone she DID have romantic feelings for, and so didn’t realize what an overabundance of gifts and attention would feel like from someone she had NO romantic feelings for, which is generally when Nice Guys™ become problematic.
Maybe we need to ask the opposite question. Mens! How would you like to … be dated?
EDIT: I think it was a system back in the day when land and inheritance and dowries were important and some memes from back then are still alive and floating around confusing everyone.
Don’t ask me how I’d like to be dated. I have no idea. Historically I think women have had the most luck with...
...
Well, historically, being shoved into a preemptive friendzone after I suspected them of sexual interest, hanging out for a while, disappearing off to college, waiting eight years, and then contacting me out of the blue.
Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t give anybody advice on how to date me.
“Actually, maybe she was experiencing a shortage of gifts and attention from someone she DID have romantic feelings for, and so didn’t realize what an overabundance of gifts and attention would feel like from someone she had NO romantic feelings for, which is generally when Nice Guys™ become problematic.”
Yes, what is desired of someone who you are attracted to vs someone you aren’t is markedly different. When men ask for dating advice, they want to know how they get into that attracted-to category in the first place, whereas the question may be answered as if the man was already in that category for the woman of his affections, perhaps because the answered is not conisdering the second category of suitor at all, in teh same way that people don’t usually desire to /know how to change their desires.
I suppose that would be a bit too forward as the first sign of interest, given current cultural norms. But it probably has a grain of truth once you are dating.
I think women actually give men advice by telling them how they’d like to … be dated? At least, that’s what I do. Which makes me think army1987′s mother probably wanted a hypergentlemanly man to lavish her with niceness and gifts and attention. Actually, maybe she was experiencing a shortage of gifts and attention from someone she DID have romantic feelings for, and so didn’t realize what an overabundance of gifts and attention would feel like from someone she had NO romantic feelings for, which is generally when Nice Guys™ become problematic.
Maybe we need to ask the opposite question. Mens! How would you like to … be dated?
EDIT: I think it was a system back in the day when land and inheritance and dowries were important and some memes from back then are still alive and floating around confusing everyone.
Don’t ask me how I’d like to be dated. I have no idea. Historically I think women have had the most luck with...
...
Well, historically, being shoved into a preemptive friendzone after I suspected them of sexual interest, hanging out for a while, disappearing off to college, waiting eight years, and then contacting me out of the blue.
Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t give anybody advice on how to date me.
“Actually, maybe she was experiencing a shortage of gifts and attention from someone she DID have romantic feelings for, and so didn’t realize what an overabundance of gifts and attention would feel like from someone she had NO romantic feelings for, which is generally when Nice Guys™ become problematic.”
Yes, what is desired of someone who you are attracted to vs someone you aren’t is markedly different. When men ask for dating advice, they want to know how they get into that attracted-to category in the first place, whereas the question may be answered as if the man was already in that category for the woman of his affections, perhaps because the answered is not conisdering the second category of suitor at all, in teh same way that people don’t usually desire to /know how to change their desires.
This may be helpful.
Oh, that’s easy.
I don’t think I follow. This is what you want from every lady in the store/library/train who thinks you’re cute?
I suppose that would be a bit too forward as the first sign of interest, given current cultural norms. But it probably has a grain of truth once you are dating.