I think people tend not to believe in shyness, unless you’re actually blushing. I used to be shy (still am, depending on the situation). But when I talked about it with my classmates one day, it turned out they actually thought I didn’t want to associate with them and was aloof because I felt superior to them. Nothing could have been farther from the truth...
In general people believe in explanations that involve them more than ones that don’t involve them. “X doesn’t like talking to people” is the x-is-shy explanation, while “X doesn’t like talking to me” is the x-is-aloof explanation.
There are at least two possibilities: a) I’ve always been an elitist asshole but I used to rationalize it as shyness. b) I’ve always been shy and still am but now after overdosing on Robin Hanson and various meta-contrarian writers it flatters my self-image more to think of myself as having base and vain motives for everything.
There was a point at which I realized shyness was unattractive and started acting aloof to cover up shyness. It’s a lot easier than than being friendly and high status.
This sounds testable. Do you find it harder to interact with more awesome people, or less hard? If it’s shyness, I’d expect you to find it harder, because you’re more intimidated, whereas if it’s aloofness, I’d expect you to find it less hard, because you’d be more interested in them.
Yes. My System 1/elephant keeps forgetting that there exists such a thing as shyness,¹ and as a result it repeatedly misinterprets ‘[I like you, but I’m too shy to show you]’ as ‘[I don’t like you, but I’m too polite to show you]’.
Well, I’m often shy myself, but only when initiating an interaction. When the interaction has already started, I usually have no problem whatsoever reciprocating, unless I actually don’t like the other person. And my System 1 generalizes from one example and finds it hard to alieve that other people can be too shy to continue an interaction that’s already started unless they don’t like me.
I think people tend not to believe in shyness, unless you’re actually blushing. I used to be shy (still am, depending on the situation). But when I talked about it with my classmates one day, it turned out they actually thought I didn’t want to associate with them and was aloof because I felt superior to them. Nothing could have been farther from the truth...
In general people believe in explanations that involve them more than ones that don’t involve them. “X doesn’t like talking to people” is the x-is-shy explanation, while “X doesn’t like talking to me” is the x-is-aloof explanation.
Huh. I’ve never thought about it in that way before, but I feel sure you’re right.
I used to be shy but now I actually do feel superior to a lot of people and don’t want to associate with them.
There are at least two possibilities: a) I’ve always been an elitist asshole but I used to rationalize it as shyness. b) I’ve always been shy and still am but now after overdosing on Robin Hanson and various meta-contrarian writers it flatters my self-image more to think of myself as having base and vain motives for everything.
There was a point at which I realized shyness was unattractive and started acting aloof to cover up shyness. It’s a lot easier than than being friendly and high status.
This sounds testable. Do you find it harder to interact with more awesome people, or less hard? If it’s shyness, I’d expect you to find it harder, because you’re more intimidated, whereas if it’s aloofness, I’d expect you to find it less hard, because you’d be more interested in them.
Yes. My System 1/elephant keeps forgetting that there exists such a thing as shyness,¹ and as a result it repeatedly misinterprets ‘[I like you, but I’m too shy to show you]’ as ‘[I don’t like you, but I’m too polite to show you]’.
Well, I’m often shy myself, but only when initiating an interaction. When the interaction has already started, I usually have no problem whatsoever reciprocating, unless I actually don’t like the other person. And my System 1 generalizes from one example and finds it hard to alieve that other people can be too shy to continue an interaction that’s already started unless they don’t like me.