How can I boost real-life ‘charisma checks’ with int? (For those less familiar with D&D lingo, I’ll rephrase: What are some methods to become better at social skills using study and theory if one lacks the intuitive understanding that extroverts appear to naturally possess?)
For example: In my case, attempting to get to know other students in my university classes is made more difficult by my aversion to small talk. Why am I averse to small talk? Because while growing up I didn’t see the value so I didn’t bother to learn very many ‘canned’ questions and responses that other people seem to be equipped with. Since I don’t have many cached patterns for things are useful for small talk it makes it much more ‘risky’ to attempt, since I have a significant chance of running out of things to say before any productive headway is made in a conversation.
Is there any collection of small talk patterns that can be read to fill in this deficiency? Has anyone published a study about, say, the 500 most common small talk patterns and responses? (And yes, I acknowledge that actual practice is necessary as well, but until I’m confident that I have sufficient ‘tools’ to succeed I will find it difficult to make myself attempt any practice.)
This difficulty doesn’t seem to share much connection with my proficiency in more general social skills. For example, I have few difficulties talking to coworkers, since in a work environment I will typically have a purpose in mind for talking to someone. The open-ended nature of —talking to strangers for the purpose of getting to know them— seems to be a large part of the challenge.
How can I boost real-life ‘charisma checks’ with int?
(For those less familiar with D&D lingo, I’ll rephrase: What are some methods to become better at social skills using study and theory if one lacks the intuitive understanding that extroverts appear to naturally possess?)
For example:
In my case, attempting to get to know other students in my university classes is made more difficult by my aversion to small talk.
Why am I averse to small talk? Because while growing up I didn’t see the value so I didn’t bother to learn very many ‘canned’ questions and responses that other people seem to be equipped with. Since I don’t have many cached patterns for things are useful for small talk it makes it much more ‘risky’ to attempt, since I have a significant chance of running out of things to say before any productive headway is made in a conversation.
Is there any collection of small talk patterns that can be read to fill in this deficiency? Has anyone published a study about, say, the 500 most common small talk patterns and responses?
(And yes, I acknowledge that actual practice is necessary as well, but until I’m confident that I have sufficient ‘tools’ to succeed I will find it difficult to make myself attempt any practice.)
This difficulty doesn’t seem to share much connection with my proficiency in more general social skills. For example, I have few difficulties talking to coworkers, since in a work environment I will typically have a purpose in mind for talking to someone. The open-ended nature of —talking to strangers for the purpose of getting to know them— seems to be a large part of the challenge.