I think your feelings will change over time. Changing how you think about something may not change how you feel now, but it may lead to changes in how you feel in the future. It kind of sucks right now, but I don’t think this conflict between your feelings and thoughts is permanent. It’s a temporary thing you are going through.
Here are some articles I read that helped me understand abusive relationships a little better.
Also, when a friend of mine was in a similar situation, he said that reading a book about Borderline Personality Disorder was helpful. His girlfriend had that. Your situation may be different.
I also think it may help to read books to help learn about and remember what healthy relationships look like. John Gottman’s books are my favourite for that. Gottman has studied thousands of real life couples in his lab and has a good idea of what works and what doesn’t.
Here’s one that I liked, though if another of his books jibes with you more, then you might want to get that one:
And, Gottman has studied abusive relationships, and attempted to figure out why people abuse, and what patterns they have. He wrote a book about it, focusing on men abusing women, but I think it would be useful in the reverse situation.
That first link is very interesting—what I’m taking away from it is that there is no shortcut. Your gut isn’t necessarily on your side. Neither is your partner. The ideology which says it’s on your side may not be quite as good as you think it is. The odds (if we can go with the article and its comments) that your friends are on your side are relatively good, but it’s still a gamble.
You have to keep drilling down and hope that you hit reality.
I think your feelings will change over time. Changing how you think about something may not change how you feel now, but it may lead to changes in how you feel in the future. It kind of sucks right now, but I don’t think this conflict between your feelings and thoughts is permanent. It’s a temporary thing you are going through.
Here are some articles I read that helped me understand abusive relationships a little better.
“I Can Handle It”: On Relationship Violence, Independence, and Capability http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2011/08/08/i-can-handle-it-on-relationship-violence-independence-and-capability/
It’s Not Your Relationship That’s Abusive, It’s Your Partner – Here’s Why That Distinction Matters http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/05/its-not-your-relationship-thats-abusive-its-your-partner-heres-why-that-distinction-matters/
Also, when a friend of mine was in a similar situation, he said that reading a book about Borderline Personality Disorder was helpful. His girlfriend had that. Your situation may be different.
I also think it may help to read books to help learn about and remember what healthy relationships look like. John Gottman’s books are my favourite for that. Gottman has studied thousands of real life couples in his lab and has a good idea of what works and what doesn’t.
Here’s one that I liked, though if another of his books jibes with you more, then you might want to get that one:
Why Marriages Succeed and Fail by John Gottman http://www.amazon.com/Why-Marriages-Succeed-Fail-Yours/dp/0684802414/
And, Gottman has studied abusive relationships, and attempted to figure out why people abuse, and what patterns they have. He wrote a book about it, focusing on men abusing women, but I think it would be useful in the reverse situation.
When Men Batter Women by John Gottman and Neil Jacobson https://www.gottman.com/shop/when-men-batter-women/
That first link is very interesting—what I’m taking away from it is that there is no shortcut. Your gut isn’t necessarily on your side. Neither is your partner. The ideology which says it’s on your side may not be quite as good as you think it is. The odds (if we can go with the article and its comments) that your friends are on your side are relatively good, but it’s still a gamble.
You have to keep drilling down and hope that you hit reality.