Thanks for the encouragement, I do intend to write more.
It’s only been a week since I removed myself from the situation, and I’m already starting to feel shocked at how much worse it was than I realized at the time. Seeing the faces and hearing the comments of friends and family when I tell them stories makes a world of difference. Not one person has told me I’m making a bad decision.
If you’d asked me 3 years ago if I could ever be in a situation like this I would have assigned it very very low probability. Low probability events happen, but I think what is more likely is that it’s a lot easier than I thought to become normalized to an increasingly toxic environment over time.
I think the best advice I could give so far is, if you think you’re in an abusive relationship, talk to people about it. On some level I knew something was very wrong, but I began lying to family and friends about what was going on. I did this both to protect her, and to protect our future relationships as a couple. I was always optimistic about getting to a better place, and I didn’t want people to hate her once we were there. I told my mother one small story once (far from the worst thing that had happened, and one story among many) and she called me in tears several weeks later saying she was worried I’d hate her for it but she had to tell me that she didn’t think the wedding was a good idea (we were engaged).
I’m going to write a lot over the coming weeks and will make a post here if I think I uncover any worthwhile advice.
Thanks for the encouragement, I do intend to write more.
It’s only been a week since I removed myself from the situation, and I’m already starting to feel shocked at how much worse it was than I realized at the time. Seeing the faces and hearing the comments of friends and family when I tell them stories makes a world of difference. Not one person has told me I’m making a bad decision.
If you’d asked me 3 years ago if I could ever be in a situation like this I would have assigned it very very low probability. Low probability events happen, but I think what is more likely is that it’s a lot easier than I thought to become normalized to an increasingly toxic environment over time.
I think the best advice I could give so far is, if you think you’re in an abusive relationship, talk to people about it. On some level I knew something was very wrong, but I began lying to family and friends about what was going on. I did this both to protect her, and to protect our future relationships as a couple. I was always optimistic about getting to a better place, and I didn’t want people to hate her once we were there. I told my mother one small story once (far from the worst thing that had happened, and one story among many) and she called me in tears several weeks later saying she was worried I’d hate her for it but she had to tell me that she didn’t think the wedding was a good idea (we were engaged).
I’m going to write a lot over the coming weeks and will make a post here if I think I uncover any worthwhile advice.