I can, with some concerted effort, enforce my desire to like certain people (whether this be for comfort reasons, i.e. I’ll have to be around them a lot, or for practical reasons, i.e. it would be instrumental to befriend them). This is more difficult with some people than others but I have yet to try very hard to like someone without being able to sincerely do it.
I have been able to do this for a number of years. Most people don’t seem to realize how useful it is to be in control of who you like/dislike. Disliking someone is uncomfortable and it generally doesn’t help. Congratulations on teaching yourself to do this; I expect it’s difficult when it doesn’t already come naturally.
I went and tracked down the link after I made this comment. I’m not sure if I use the same strategy as you...a lot of the time, I don’t really need to. I’m not easily annoyed, and my annoyance set-point is pretty malleable if I want it to be. Generally the way I go about liking someone is by having at least one in-depth conversation with them, whether about science or politics or their romantic life or drama at work. Once I convince myself that they’re not a shallow, robotic automaton after all, once I can convince myself that they’re like me, it feels natural to empathize rather than judge when they do something annoying… But like I said, this has come fairly easily to me. (Not to say that I don’t ever feel annoyed at people, or complain about them to friends and family. I do, more than I should. But when I’m actually in the room with them, I can almost always get along civilly and even enjoy myself.)
I have been able to do this for a number of years. Most people don’t seem to realize how useful it is to be in control of who you like/dislike. Disliking someone is uncomfortable and it generally doesn’t help. Congratulations on teaching yourself to do this; I expect it’s difficult when it doesn’t already come naturally.
If you didn’t see it already, I wrote a whole post about that.
I went and tracked down the link after I made this comment. I’m not sure if I use the same strategy as you...a lot of the time, I don’t really need to. I’m not easily annoyed, and my annoyance set-point is pretty malleable if I want it to be. Generally the way I go about liking someone is by having at least one in-depth conversation with them, whether about science or politics or their romantic life or drama at work. Once I convince myself that they’re not a shallow, robotic automaton after all, once I can convince myself that they’re like me, it feels natural to empathize rather than judge when they do something annoying… But like I said, this has come fairly easily to me. (Not to say that I don’t ever feel annoyed at people, or complain about them to friends and family. I do, more than I should. But when I’m actually in the room with them, I can almost always get along civilly and even enjoy myself.)