Commitment rituals aren’t very useful for telling whether you’re actually committed. The real test is whether, for all the worst-case scenarios you imagine possible, you feel you can accept and handle that as the outcome.
That is, even if the worst happens, you believe you can feel like you made the right decision. (Not, “well, that shouldn’t/probably won’t happen”, but “if it DID happen, could I deal with it?”)
And that’s not something that “taking the red pill” is going to make happen, since it most likely induced you to suppress your doubts, rather than face them.
Commitment rituals aren’t very useful for telling whether you’re actually committed. The real test is whether, for all the worst-case scenarios you imagine possible, you feel you can accept and handle that as the outcome.
That is, even if the worst happens, you believe you can feel like you made the right decision. (Not, “well, that shouldn’t/probably won’t happen”, but “if it DID happen, could I deal with it?”)
And that’s not something that “taking the red pill” is going to make happen, since it most likely induced you to suppress your doubts, rather than face them.