In trying to understand people’s feelings, I tend to ask a lot of questions about the situation so I can understand, but I worry a lot about it turning into an interview and maybe people don’t like explaining themselves a lot when they’re upset? But I don’t really know what to do. Advice?
[My comments are less refined than the main post, so take ’em with a little extra skepticism. All the same, I think this might help.]
Sometimes people don’t want to talk, and that’s ok. But if the conversation turns into an interview when they do want to talk, a few different things could be happening.
- Some people rely too much on using closed questions. Using open questions instead can open up the conversation.
- Some people rely too much on asking questions in general. There are other types of things that we can say as the listener which may be worth using more of. Reflection of feelings (“It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed”) and reflection of meaning (“I’m hearing that this job really mattered to you”) can be surprisingly good, for instance.
- In general, the more attuned we are to the core meaning of what the other person is saying, beyond the surface facts, the less likely that the conversation will feel surface-level or like an interview.
In trying to understand people’s feelings, I tend to ask a lot of questions about the situation so I can understand, but I worry a lot about it turning into an interview and maybe people don’t like explaining themselves a lot when they’re upset? But I don’t really know what to do. Advice?
[My comments are less refined than the main post, so take ’em with a little extra skepticism. All the same, I think this might help.]
Sometimes people don’t want to talk, and that’s ok. But if the conversation turns into an interview when they do want to talk, a few different things could be happening.
- Some people rely too much on using closed questions. Using open questions instead can open up the conversation.
- Some people rely too much on asking questions in general. There are other types of things that we can say as the listener which may be worth using more of. Reflection of feelings (“It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed”) and reflection of meaning (“I’m hearing that this job really mattered to you”) can be surprisingly good, for instance.
- In general, the more attuned we are to the core meaning of what the other person is saying, beyond the surface facts, the less likely that the conversation will feel surface-level or like an interview.