How can I deliberately practise empathetic listening? When a situation comes up in life I forget everything — I would like to train the empathy reflex so that’s the first thing I turn to when trying to help.
Along with finding structured opportunities, you can practice this attitude in most conversations with colleagues, friends, family, and partners. People complain a lot. And when they do, you can practice active listening and empathy. I believe that making this a goal of every conversation has changed my habits over time, so that I do more useful things when it’s important.
That’s a big question. Some notes on what worked for me:
- The thing that has helped me the most was finding a volunteer role that involves empathic listening. It gave me a lot of chances to practice. Plus, because it was a new & separate space from the rest of my life, I was more flexible to intentionally choose the habits I wanted to cultivate there before old habits got locked in. I believe doing something like that would help a lot, though it is a relatively time/effort intensive thing to do.
- If you don’t have the time for something like a volunteer role, then there are other ways to practice. Having actual face-to-face practice conversations are very useful if you are in a position to do them. Therapy trainings frequently make use of role plays—they really seem to work for intentionally trying to build the right habits. Even without having access to specific trainings or people you trust to practice with, there are groups out there that facilitate the practice of empathy—I hear good things about circling (though I don’t have a group nearby so haven’t tried it), I’ve tried out NVC groups, I’ve practiced listening in therapy groups, etc.
- If you know exactly what to do, but just forget in the moment, maybe trigger-action plans could help. Or having easy to see reminders written in your phone wallpaper/somewhere else prominent.
- If part of the problem is not being confident about what actions to take in-the-moment, the ‘classic’ author to read on empathic listening is Carl Rogers. Books such as ‘A Way of Being’ are great.
When a situation comes up in life I forget everything
Personally I find this type of forgetfulness occurs alongside a sense of urgency; experiencing someone suffering and feeling a need to instinctively offer assistance quickly.
In my view, the reflex to train in this situation is slowing things down so as to take time and consider the approach you want to take, while still being present for the struggling person in question.
It just so happens that the the types of communication you might use to “stall for time while you think about your approach,” are the same sorts of communication styles you might ultimately wish to employ given further consideration and recall.
Saying things like: “wow that sounds incredibly challenging, I’m sorry you’re going through that” , repeating their problem and experience back to them in your own words, and encouraging them continue talking.
All great ways to stall, giving you lots of time to slow down and think in order to remember to apply empathetic listening skills.
How can I deliberately practise empathetic listening? When a situation comes up in life I forget everything — I would like to train the empathy reflex so that’s the first thing I turn to when trying to help.
Along with finding structured opportunities, you can practice this attitude in most conversations with colleagues, friends, family, and partners. People complain a lot. And when they do, you can practice active listening and empathy. I believe that making this a goal of every conversation has changed my habits over time, so that I do more useful things when it’s important.
That’s a big question. Some notes on what worked for me:
- The thing that has helped me the most was finding a volunteer role that involves empathic listening. It gave me a lot of chances to practice. Plus, because it was a new & separate space from the rest of my life, I was more flexible to intentionally choose the habits I wanted to cultivate there before old habits got locked in. I believe doing something like that would help a lot, though it is a relatively time/effort intensive thing to do.
- If you don’t have the time for something like a volunteer role, then there are other ways to practice. Having actual face-to-face practice conversations are very useful if you are in a position to do them. Therapy trainings frequently make use of role plays—they really seem to work for intentionally trying to build the right habits. Even without having access to specific trainings or people you trust to practice with, there are groups out there that facilitate the practice of empathy—I hear good things about circling (though I don’t have a group nearby so haven’t tried it), I’ve tried out NVC groups, I’ve practiced listening in therapy groups, etc.
- If you know exactly what to do, but just forget in the moment, maybe trigger-action plans could help. Or having easy to see reminders written in your phone wallpaper/somewhere else prominent.
- If part of the problem is not being confident about what actions to take in-the-moment, the ‘classic’ author to read on empathic listening is Carl Rogers. Books such as ‘A Way of Being’ are great.
Personally I find this type of forgetfulness occurs alongside a sense of urgency; experiencing someone suffering and feeling a need to instinctively offer assistance quickly.
In my view, the reflex to train in this situation is slowing things down so as to take time and consider the approach you want to take, while still being present for the struggling person in question.
It just so happens that the the types of communication you might use to “stall for time while you think about your approach,” are the same sorts of communication styles you might ultimately wish to employ given further consideration and recall.
Saying things like: “wow that sounds incredibly challenging, I’m sorry you’re going through that” , repeating their problem and experience back to them in your own words, and encouraging them continue talking.
All great ways to stall, giving you lots of time to slow down and think in order to remember to apply empathetic listening skills.