-- Amongst other things I am actually unable to “just allow” myself to feel things. If I lack a conscious avenue for expression of emotions, I find myself unable to do so: without a ‘bridge’ to cross from “in my head” to “the outside world”, the sentiments or desires just don’t have anywhere to go. Others have often given me advice targeted at getting me to “stop repressing my emotions”, and these things have universally failed to recognize my issues in that regard. One of the things I will always be grateful to my ex-primary for was her ability to enable me to learn how to handle new situations and inputs that were markedly unfamiliar to me: if I did not have a—for lack of a better term—“subroutine” for a given situation, I would literally lock up and be unable to force myself through the situation, regardless of the amount of willpower. This could be as simple as opening up a new bank account, or as complex as getting myself a new date. (Caveat; this was not an anxiety response; but rather just… like trying to open a door when there’s no light in the room and you can’t feel the seams. I to this day lack the proper language to communicate the sensation.) I have never before encountered another individual with similar reactions to the world.
Perhaps it is because you are trying to do something which you do not consider an action (Is there a sequence post about this? I seem to remember reading something...). Rather than trying to “open up a new bank account” why not try to get in your car, drive to the bank, get out of your car, etc.
I often have the experience of feeling completely unable to do something but I can always break it down into concrete actions and then do those instead.
For example, sometimes I need to write a paper for school but feel it is impossible. So, instead I open a text document to begin my outline and ask myself what the first section should be about. Instead of trying to “do my paper” or “do my outline”, I tried to do the steps that make up those actions.
I think this experience of feeling completely unable to do an abstract task is virtually universal for humans.
Rather than trying to “open up a new bank account” why not try to get in your car, drive to the bank, get out of your car, etc. [...] I think this experience of feeling completely unable to do an abstract task is virtually universal for humans.
What you described is a very normal response to reducing the difficulty of a task in order to reduce the anxiety response to said task to manageable levels. It is, however, unhelpful to autists who only know the global task. If you ever work with an autistic child, it would help you to be aware that such a strategy would be counter-productive. An example of what I mean is that to a profoundly autistic child, the knowledge of how to tie one’s right shoe does not and cannot translate into how to tie one’s left shoe. He would have to be re-taught each individual step in the process as a separate and independent task, and then he would have to be manually taught how to assemble them into both the right-shoe and the left-shoe before he might be able to begin to extrapolate from those into other situations.
It’s not, you see, that I didn’t know the basic steps to each of these tasks. It’s not even that I couldn’t conceive of ways of simplifying them. It was that I had no “algorithm” by which to assemble them into a whole. I lack the language to properly explain this difficulty to someone who has not experienced, except to say this: it is not that I was “overwhelmed”. It was… like being given a road-map and shown images of every important point along the route you should take to get to the destination, and then being given a car in a disassembled state. If you don’t have the tools to put the car together, no matter how well you know “how to get there”, you simply lack the means to do so. Breaking down the route further isn’t going to help make that happen. You have to have the ability to traverse it at all.
I am frustrated by my lack of ability to elocute this notion. I apologize for my lack of clarity and/or communicative skill.
I have been diagnosed with Asperger’s but am very high functioning. There are definitely tasks I feel this way about; for example, sometimes I will feel completely unable to call people on the phone. Although I often have to plan my conversations in advance, I can usually accomplish such things by breaking them down into subtasks.
EDIT:
Actually, on second thought I think I understand what you mean. If you asked me to “make a friend” or anything else that involved too complex a decision tree I would be unable to comply.
END EDIT
It’s not even that I couldn’t conceive of ways of simplifying them.
So specifically what would happen if after simplifying the task of opening a bank account, you simply tried to follow the steps?
Drive to the bank
Walk to the back of the line
Follow standard line procedure
Say to the person at the counter “I would like to open a bank account”
etc.
Would you be unable to come up with this list? Would you really be unable to complete the first step, driving to the bank? Would there be some interstice between steps in which you have a mental breakdown?
I realize you are saying you cannot complete the task as a whole, I am asking that if you tried to complete the individual steps of that task, at precisely what point would you fail?
So specifically what would happen if after simplifying the task of opening a bank account, you simply tried to follow the steps?
I wouldn’t get to step one.
Would you be unable to come up with this list?
Nah, that would be just fine. I’d done so more than once. Without the “whole” picture, it’s like trying to put a jigsaw puzzle together when you can’t see the whole picture and it has no apparent borders, and the pieces have all been repainted black. You know the pieces all go together. You know you have all the pieces. You just can’t visualize how they all go together.
I am asking that if you tried to complete the individual steps of that task, at precisely what point would you fail?
There is an underlying assumption here that “breaking down the task” is intelligible on some level. This is why I tried to give, originally, the example of the fact that tying one’s right shoe wouldn’t translate to tying one’s left shoe. The pieces are learned as a whole, and conceived of as a whole. Breaking it down into individual tasks just makes it more complex, not less. It’s like tearing apart the jigsaw puzzle—it has to be put back together again before you can actually see the image on the puzzle.
I am:
Anhedonic
High-functioning autistic
Polyamorous
D/s (service-dominant & sexual sadist)
-- Amongst other things I am actually unable to “just allow” myself to feel things. If I lack a conscious avenue for expression of emotions, I find myself unable to do so: without a ‘bridge’ to cross from “in my head” to “the outside world”, the sentiments or desires just don’t have anywhere to go. Others have often given me advice targeted at getting me to “stop repressing my emotions”, and these things have universally failed to recognize my issues in that regard. One of the things I will always be grateful to my ex-primary for was her ability to enable me to learn how to handle new situations and inputs that were markedly unfamiliar to me: if I did not have a—for lack of a better term—“subroutine” for a given situation, I would literally lock up and be unable to force myself through the situation, regardless of the amount of willpower. This could be as simple as opening up a new bank account, or as complex as getting myself a new date. (Caveat; this was not an anxiety response; but rather just… like trying to open a door when there’s no light in the room and you can’t feel the seams. I to this day lack the proper language to communicate the sensation.) I have never before encountered another individual with similar reactions to the world.
Perhaps it is because you are trying to do something which you do not consider an action (Is there a sequence post about this? I seem to remember reading something...). Rather than trying to “open up a new bank account” why not try to get in your car, drive to the bank, get out of your car, etc.
I often have the experience of feeling completely unable to do something but I can always break it down into concrete actions and then do those instead.
For example, sometimes I need to write a paper for school but feel it is impossible. So, instead I open a text document to begin my outline and ask myself what the first section should be about. Instead of trying to “do my paper” or “do my outline”, I tried to do the steps that make up those actions.
I think this experience of feeling completely unable to do an abstract task is virtually universal for humans.
What you described is a very normal response to reducing the difficulty of a task in order to reduce the anxiety response to said task to manageable levels. It is, however, unhelpful to autists who only know the global task. If you ever work with an autistic child, it would help you to be aware that such a strategy would be counter-productive. An example of what I mean is that to a profoundly autistic child, the knowledge of how to tie one’s right shoe does not and cannot translate into how to tie one’s left shoe. He would have to be re-taught each individual step in the process as a separate and independent task, and then he would have to be manually taught how to assemble them into both the right-shoe and the left-shoe before he might be able to begin to extrapolate from those into other situations.
It’s not, you see, that I didn’t know the basic steps to each of these tasks. It’s not even that I couldn’t conceive of ways of simplifying them. It was that I had no “algorithm” by which to assemble them into a whole. I lack the language to properly explain this difficulty to someone who has not experienced, except to say this: it is not that I was “overwhelmed”. It was… like being given a road-map and shown images of every important point along the route you should take to get to the destination, and then being given a car in a disassembled state. If you don’t have the tools to put the car together, no matter how well you know “how to get there”, you simply lack the means to do so. Breaking down the route further isn’t going to help make that happen. You have to have the ability to traverse it at all.
I am frustrated by my lack of ability to elocute this notion. I apologize for my lack of clarity and/or communicative skill.
I have been diagnosed with Asperger’s but am very high functioning. There are definitely tasks I feel this way about; for example, sometimes I will feel completely unable to call people on the phone. Although I often have to plan my conversations in advance, I can usually accomplish such things by breaking them down into subtasks.
EDIT: Actually, on second thought I think I understand what you mean. If you asked me to “make a friend” or anything else that involved too complex a decision tree I would be unable to comply. END EDIT
So specifically what would happen if after simplifying the task of opening a bank account, you simply tried to follow the steps?
Drive to the bank
Walk to the back of the line
Follow standard line procedure
Say to the person at the counter “I would like to open a bank account” etc.
Would you be unable to come up with this list? Would you really be unable to complete the first step, driving to the bank? Would there be some interstice between steps in which you have a mental breakdown?
I realize you are saying you cannot complete the task as a whole, I am asking that if you tried to complete the individual steps of that task, at precisely what point would you fail?
I wouldn’t get to step one.
Nah, that would be just fine. I’d done so more than once. Without the “whole” picture, it’s like trying to put a jigsaw puzzle together when you can’t see the whole picture and it has no apparent borders, and the pieces have all been repainted black. You know the pieces all go together. You know you have all the pieces. You just can’t visualize how they all go together.
There is an underlying assumption here that “breaking down the task” is intelligible on some level. This is why I tried to give, originally, the example of the fact that tying one’s right shoe wouldn’t translate to tying one’s left shoe. The pieces are learned as a whole, and conceived of as a whole. Breaking it down into individual tasks just makes it more complex, not less. It’s like tearing apart the jigsaw puzzle—it has to be put back together again before you can actually see the image on the puzzle.