I’d prefer that their answers about equal responsibility for parenting be consistent with their answers for equal right to be awarded disputed child custody. Holding either consistent position (mothers’ parenting presence is essentially special in very important ways that can’t generally be replaced by fathers, or mothers and fathers should be treated equally) seems less wrong than opportunistically switching between one position to justify extra parental rights and roles in divorce and the other position to justify equal parental responsibilities and roles in marriage.
(Of course, my simple dichotomy shatters into more possibilities if marriage is considered a custom contract defined by negotiation between the spouses. But marriage and family law in general seem very nearly a one-size-fits-all status defined by government, with only a small admixture of contract (pre-nups and such) having AGAIK almost no legal force regarding child care and custody. Thus I don’t think the dichotomy is a gross distortion.)
Similar things are true about attitudes towards adoption by same-sex couples, and about single parenthood in general.
Anyway, for my own part, I endorse the idea that parenting is not a gender-specific attribute, and that it’s a job far more easily shared by several adults than entirely handled by one.
That said, I also endorse the idea that parenting is a skill that develops with practice, and my priors for a given parent having put significant time and attention and effort into the practice of parenting is higher for women than men in my culture.
I would add that divorce does not in any way obviate either parent’s obligations towards, or relationship with, their child. In particular, I’d say that to think about child custody as a privilege that some parents are granted and which other parents deserve equal access to, or as a resource that parents have contractual obligations regarding the dispensation of, is already getting it backwards: rather, both parents share equally the obligation to make custody choices in the child’s interest.
I recognize that many divorcing parents are unable to discharge that responsibility, and that courts often have to step in. And I agree that the courts generally adopt a one-size-fits-all approach that doesn’t reflect the actual interests of each individual child, and that’s unfortunate.
Come to that, I recognize that many married parents are unable to discharge that responsibility, and that’s unfortunate too.
I speak with the most knowledge only to attorneys, but for many heterosexual male married attorneys (particularly the more senior ones), a huge part of their answer about balancing work with parenting would be that they have a spouse who does not work outside the home or who has a significantly less time consuming job. On the other hand, most heterosexual female married attorneys, including the most senior ones, cannot give this same answer because they do not have a spouse who is situated in the same way.
I also think that U.S. society at present (although this may be changing) puts higher burdens/expectations on women than men for how involved they should be in child-rearing, so even for many couples where both partners have demanding jobs, in most, though of course not all, cases, more of the child-rearing tasks fall on the woman.
Every time I hear that question asked of married heterosexual female professionals, I want them to answer “More or less the same way my husband does.”
I’d prefer that their answers about equal responsibility for parenting be consistent with their answers for equal right to be awarded disputed child custody. Holding either consistent position (mothers’ parenting presence is essentially special in very important ways that can’t generally be replaced by fathers, or mothers and fathers should be treated equally) seems less wrong than opportunistically switching between one position to justify extra parental rights and roles in divorce and the other position to justify equal parental responsibilities and roles in marriage.
(Of course, my simple dichotomy shatters into more possibilities if marriage is considered a custom contract defined by negotiation between the spouses. But marriage and family law in general seem very nearly a one-size-fits-all status defined by government, with only a small admixture of contract (pre-nups and such) having AGAIK almost no legal force regarding child care and custody. Thus I don’t think the dichotomy is a gross distortion.)
Similar things are true about attitudes towards adoption by same-sex couples, and about single parenthood in general.
Anyway, for my own part, I endorse the idea that parenting is not a gender-specific attribute, and that it’s a job far more easily shared by several adults than entirely handled by one.
That said, I also endorse the idea that parenting is a skill that develops with practice, and my priors for a given parent having put significant time and attention and effort into the practice of parenting is higher for women than men in my culture.
I would add that divorce does not in any way obviate either parent’s obligations towards, or relationship with, their child. In particular, I’d say that to think about child custody as a privilege that some parents are granted and which other parents deserve equal access to, or as a resource that parents have contractual obligations regarding the dispensation of, is already getting it backwards: rather, both parents share equally the obligation to make custody choices in the child’s interest.
I recognize that many divorcing parents are unable to discharge that responsibility, and that courts often have to step in. And I agree that the courts generally adopt a one-size-fits-all approach that doesn’t reflect the actual interests of each individual child, and that’s unfortunate.
Come to that, I recognize that many married parents are unable to discharge that responsibility, and that’s unfortunate too.
It remains their responsibility.
I speak with the most knowledge only to attorneys, but for many heterosexual male married attorneys (particularly the more senior ones), a huge part of their answer about balancing work with parenting would be that they have a spouse who does not work outside the home or who has a significantly less time consuming job. On the other hand, most heterosexual female married attorneys, including the most senior ones, cannot give this same answer because they do not have a spouse who is situated in the same way.
I also think that U.S. society at present (although this may be changing) puts higher burdens/expectations on women than men for how involved they should be in child-rearing, so even for many couples where both partners have demanding jobs, in most, though of course not all, cases, more of the child-rearing tasks fall on the woman.