I think I parsed that quote less along the lines of ‘dude, you hardly know any math and so I won’t love you’ and more along the lines of ‘dude, you seem to have the same taste for movies and music and we can have a conversation—I love (hanging out with) you’.
The former has an objective measure and thus one can speak of definite growth while the latter is subjective.
That’s not what I mean. Suppose you have various negative personality traits that are negatively influencing your life (e.g. perhaps you are selfish or short-tempered). If you don’t carefully cull the people around you, you might start noticing that many people react negatively to you, and you might start wondering why. If you determine that the problem is with you and not them, that’s an opportunity for growth. If you only surround yourself with people who are willing, for whatever reason, to ignore your negative personality traits, then you’ve lost an opportunity to notice them.
Similarly, and this should be scary to anyone who cares about epistemic rationality, suppose you have various false beliefs and you decide that those beliefs are so important to your identity that people who don’t also believe them can’t possibly love you the way you are, so you only surround yourself with people who agree with them...
Similarly, and this should be scary to anyone who cares about epistemic rationality, suppose you have various false beliefs and you decide that those beliefs are so important to your identity that people who don’t also believe them can’t possibly love you the way you are, so you only surround yourself with people who agree with them..
Sure, in such a case, I’ve optimized for my own ‘social harmony’. We all do this to varying degrees anyway. Signalling, sub-cultures and all that blah. Note that the quote simply speaks of a process (selection) to maximize an end (social harmony, however that is defined). It doesn’t say anything about whether such selection should be for false or true values (however these are defined).
Okay, but P(doesn’t want you to change | loves you just the way you are) is higher than P(doesn’t want you to change | doesn’t love you just the way you are), and in addition P(you won’t change | you surround yourself with people who love you just the way you are) is higher than P(you won’t change | you don’t surround yourself with people who love you just the way you are).
Bryan Caplan
This sounds almost horrifically dystopian, in a sort of Friendship is Optimal way.
I suppose it does, in as objective a measure something like ‘harmony’ is.
This sounds like a recipe for stagnation. A true friend is willing to encourage you to grow.
I think I parsed that quote less along the lines of ‘dude, you hardly know any math and so I won’t love you’ and more along the lines of ‘dude, you seem to have the same taste for movies and music and we can have a conversation—I love (hanging out with) you’.
The former has an objective measure and thus one can speak of definite growth while the latter is subjective.
That’s not what I mean. Suppose you have various negative personality traits that are negatively influencing your life (e.g. perhaps you are selfish or short-tempered). If you don’t carefully cull the people around you, you might start noticing that many people react negatively to you, and you might start wondering why. If you determine that the problem is with you and not them, that’s an opportunity for growth. If you only surround yourself with people who are willing, for whatever reason, to ignore your negative personality traits, then you’ve lost an opportunity to notice them.
Similarly, and this should be scary to anyone who cares about epistemic rationality, suppose you have various false beliefs and you decide that those beliefs are so important to your identity that people who don’t also believe them can’t possibly love you the way you are, so you only surround yourself with people who agree with them...
Sure, in such a case, I’ve optimized for my own ‘social harmony’. We all do this to varying degrees anyway. Signalling, sub-cultures and all that blah. Note that the quote simply speaks of a process (selection) to maximize an end (social harmony, however that is defined). It doesn’t say anything about whether such selection should be for false or true values (however these are defined).
“Love you just as you are” doesn’t imply “hate for you to change”.
After all, you are changing.
Okay, but P(doesn’t want you to change | loves you just the way you are) is higher than P(doesn’t want you to change | doesn’t love you just the way you are), and in addition P(you won’t change | you surround yourself with people who love you just the way you are) is higher than P(you won’t change | you don’t surround yourself with people who love you just the way you are).