I’m pretty sure there is an awesome steel man some of the epic level contrarian rationalists here could make for this.
Of course it’s always possible to argue both sides of debate. So let’s try it for the sake of the argument:
Every human is unique. Effective social interactions means that you listen to the other person. It’s about being in the moment and perceiving the other person without preconceived notions. Being empathic is not about having an intellectual concept of what the other person is going through. It’s about actually feeling the emotion that the other person is feeling with them.
If you want that men and woman interact better with each other you should encourage them to treat each individual uniquely. If a man learns an intellectual concept according to which he should do X whenever a woman does Y, the man isn’t authentically interacting with the woman.
If the man uses an intellectual rule for the interaction he will pay less attention to his own emotions.
How does a man get better at being in the moment? How does he get more in touch with his own emotions, to get a better feeling for the interaction?
Meditation is a way where we have good research that shows that mediation improves the ability of people to be in the moment by dealing more effectively with their emotions.
In Zen Buddhism there the concept of the “beginners mind”. The practioner tries to let go of any preconceived notions to be more in touch with the moment. He doesn’t add additional mental rules.
In my own experience my interactions with women are much better for both parties when I’m in the moment and in touch with my emotions than when I’m in my head and think “I don’t want to do anything to upset the woman I’m interacting with”.
How do I know that the interaction is better for the woman and not only myself? When I’m dancing the woman likes to dance closer when I’m in touch with myself instead of being in my head. She also smiles more.
There are a lot of Asbergers people who know a lot about what a “real female would experience” on a intellectual level. When it comes to real interaction they are however all the time in their head. They are not in touch with their emotions and therefore they mess up the social interaction.
If you now start and give a guy all sort of additional intellectual concepts of how to treat woman, you risk that the guy spends more time in his own head. He will be less in touch with his own emotions. Less emotional intelligence means that the social interaction is less pleasent for all participants who are involved.
While I see the theoretic argument that more knowledge should help. I don’t know of any empiric evidence that it does. I don’t think that men primarily treat woman poorly because they have the wrong intellectual concepts. The prime reason is rather low emotional intellience.
Meditating and letting go of all preconveived notions of what it’s like to be the other person allows us to treat the person with more empathy. Giving someone more stuff to think about while being in an interaction would be the opposite of meditation.
Of course it’s always possible to argue both sides of debate. So let’s try it for the sake of the argument:
Every human is unique. Effective social interactions means that you listen to the other person. It’s about being in the moment and perceiving the other person without preconceived notions. Being empathic is not about having an intellectual concept of what the other person is going through. It’s about actually feeling the emotion that the other person is feeling with them.
If you want that men and woman interact better with each other you should encourage them to treat each individual uniquely. If a man learns an intellectual concept according to which he should do X whenever a woman does Y, the man isn’t authentically interacting with the woman. If the man uses an intellectual rule for the interaction he will pay less attention to his own emotions.
How does a man get better at being in the moment? How does he get more in touch with his own emotions, to get a better feeling for the interaction?
Meditation is a way where we have good research that shows that mediation improves the ability of people to be in the moment by dealing more effectively with their emotions. In Zen Buddhism there the concept of the “beginners mind”. The practioner tries to let go of any preconceived notions to be more in touch with the moment. He doesn’t add additional mental rules.
In my own experience my interactions with women are much better for both parties when I’m in the moment and in touch with my emotions than when I’m in my head and think “I don’t want to do anything to upset the woman I’m interacting with”. How do I know that the interaction is better for the woman and not only myself? When I’m dancing the woman likes to dance closer when I’m in touch with myself instead of being in my head. She also smiles more.
There are a lot of Asbergers people who know a lot about what a “real female would experience” on a intellectual level. When it comes to real interaction they are however all the time in their head. They are not in touch with their emotions and therefore they mess up the social interaction.
If you now start and give a guy all sort of additional intellectual concepts of how to treat woman, you risk that the guy spends more time in his own head. He will be less in touch with his own emotions. Less emotional intelligence means that the social interaction is less pleasent for all participants who are involved.
While I see the theoretic argument that more knowledge should help. I don’t know of any empiric evidence that it does. I don’t think that men primarily treat woman poorly because they have the wrong intellectual concepts. The prime reason is rather low emotional intellience.
Meditating and letting go of all preconveived notions of what it’s like to be the other person allows us to treat the person with more empathy. Giving someone more stuff to think about while being in an interaction would be the opposite of meditation.