If I notice someone has effortfully made one physical aspect of their superficial appearance (which only includes transient things—pretty much just hair and clothes, but sometimes eyes), I feel guilty for thinking a compliment without uttering it for that person’s benefit. If it were me, I would like to hear if someone thought I was doing something especially right that day. To alleviate this guilt, and for other reasons as well, I’ve instituted a policy of conveying these compliments to the people in whom I notice an impressive display of personal style. I will not go far out of my way (greater than ten meters) to tell people these things, but if I am near them I will casually mention, “That’s a really cool hat,” or “That scarf’s awesome.”
I only pay particular attention to and am willed to compliment aspects of a person’s appearance that are easily changed and not likely to be part of that person’s identity. Maybe after I’ve known them for a month may I compliment their general style (dyed hair, cleverly matched outfits, always exuding a certain alluring or mystically compelling atmosphere, etcetera).
These compliments are uttered in passing, from an average of one to two meters distant, with eye contact and only a bit more than a hint of a smile. Would any here be off-put by such a compliment?
Part of the reason I like going to nightclubs or cons is that it’s approved to tell people how awesome they look because part of the context is people deliberately going out of their way to be noticed looking awesome.
If I notice someone has effortfully made one physical aspect of their superficial appearance (which only includes transient things—pretty much just hair and clothes, but sometimes eyes), I feel guilty for thinking a compliment without uttering it for that person’s benefit. If it were me, I would like to hear if someone thought I was doing something especially right that day. To alleviate this guilt, and for other reasons as well, I’ve instituted a policy of conveying these compliments to the people in whom I notice an impressive display of personal style. I will not go far out of my way (greater than ten meters) to tell people these things, but if I am near them I will casually mention, “That’s a really cool hat,” or “That scarf’s awesome.”
I only pay particular attention to and am willed to compliment aspects of a person’s appearance that are easily changed and not likely to be part of that person’s identity. Maybe after I’ve known them for a month may I compliment their general style (dyed hair, cleverly matched outfits, always exuding a certain alluring or mystically compelling atmosphere, etcetera).
These compliments are uttered in passing, from an average of one to two meters distant, with eye contact and only a bit more than a hint of a smile. Would any here be off-put by such a compliment?
Part of the reason I like going to nightclubs or cons is that it’s approved to tell people how awesome they look because part of the context is people deliberately going out of their way to be noticed looking awesome.