qsz’s suggestion of doing it by stealth isn’t bad. If you want to make it explicit, though:
If (1) you are considering cutting off contact (near-)completely and (2) they have no idea that this might happen, it seems like an obvious first step would be to tell them that it might. “I don’t know how aware you are of this, but it seems to me like you’re for ever criticizing me, and you keep making these unreasonable demands. I am finding this unpleasant and difficult to cope with, and if it goes on then I think I’ll have to stop communicating with you altogether. That would be an extreme step, and it would be better if we can avoid it, but I’ll do it if the alternative is a constant stream of criticism and inappropriate demands. Please think about this, and let me know whether you think you can stop doing those things.”
Or something along those lines; I (mercifully) have no experience of negotiating with (semi-)abusive parents and have made no attempt to optimize the wording because I don’t know what I should be optimizing for.
If you think they really have no idea, perhaps the first step could be even smaller. “Look, I don’t know if you’re even aware of this, but it seems to me like you’re constantly putting me down and making inappropriate demands. I’m 25 years old, and I really don’t need you to accompany me to the doctor or keep me safe online any more. I’m finding it unpleasant, and I’m sure you don’t want that. Could you please treat me as the adult I am, and stop doing those things?”
Again, I make no claim that that’s a good way to word it. But this lets you make sure they know (at least in theory) without anything they need perceive as a threat. Then, if they don’t improve, your next escalation can begin with “You may remember that a few months ago I told you …” which will give them less excuse to see it as unreasonable.
qsz’s suggestion of doing it by stealth isn’t bad. If you want to make it explicit, though:
If (1) you are considering cutting off contact (near-)completely and (2) they have no idea that this might happen, it seems like an obvious first step would be to tell them that it might. “I don’t know how aware you are of this, but it seems to me like you’re for ever criticizing me, and you keep making these unreasonable demands. I am finding this unpleasant and difficult to cope with, and if it goes on then I think I’ll have to stop communicating with you altogether. That would be an extreme step, and it would be better if we can avoid it, but I’ll do it if the alternative is a constant stream of criticism and inappropriate demands. Please think about this, and let me know whether you think you can stop doing those things.”
Or something along those lines; I (mercifully) have no experience of negotiating with (semi-)abusive parents and have made no attempt to optimize the wording because I don’t know what I should be optimizing for.
If you think they really have no idea, perhaps the first step could be even smaller. “Look, I don’t know if you’re even aware of this, but it seems to me like you’re constantly putting me down and making inappropriate demands. I’m 25 years old, and I really don’t need you to accompany me to the doctor or keep me safe online any more. I’m finding it unpleasant, and I’m sure you don’t want that. Could you please treat me as the adult I am, and stop doing those things?”
Again, I make no claim that that’s a good way to word it. But this lets you make sure they know (at least in theory) without anything they need perceive as a threat. Then, if they don’t improve, your next escalation can begin with “You may remember that a few months ago I told you …” which will give them less excuse to see it as unreasonable.