One is for signalling, another is to get a martial arts training partner without the awkwardness of physical intimacy with a non-intimate partner, another is for sexual, emotional and social fulfilment and a final one is for a fitness partner, person to share chores with and life coach.
Signalling what, exactly? Sexual desirability? Competent adultness? Showcasing your ability to have a girlfriend? I understand that having a sexual and romantic partner has signalling value, I just don’t think it’s very useful to have signaling as a major goal. (Unless I misunderstood you and signalling is just considered a side-benefit.)
Also keep in mind that finding a person who is compatible with you in a sexual, emotional and social way is hard enough that finding a partner who is all that and likes the same sort of sports and fitness activities as you do is even harder.
I’m treating this as a business problem because my previous approach has yet to work at an age where it has for others!
You’re treating this as a business problem (and I’m unsure if this is the correct approach, but whatever), but what product are you selling? Why would a costumer be interested in consuming your product?
You say you’re unique, but let’s face it, most humans are. (Not to mention that uniqueness is not a good quality by default.) Why should a potential partner be interested in your uniqueness? What do you have to offer that a competitor doesn’t also offer?
I looked up monotone voice on google, and found that it has a positive, redeeming side – attractiveness. In light of this information, I’m no longer interested in adjusting my monotone voice.
Powerful people might have tendency for monotone. This doesn’t mean that everyone with a monotone is perceived as powerful. As other have mentioned, there are probably other factors at play here as well. There are probably different sorts of monotone voices.
A promising new friend also mentioned that he abandoned pickup because it wasn’t working for him. He spoke about vulnerability and how he doesn’t exert so much control on himself now, thus avoiding analysis paralyses.
I only have minimal knowledge of the whole pick-up thing, but I think there’s some truth in what your friend says. Unless it comes natural to you (and this might come with practice, so I don’t want to speak badly about pickup), using predetermined strategies and such will come across as more awkward and less natural than just general social awkwardness.
Being naturally awkward isn’t really such a bad thing, as long as you can own your awkwardness and focus on your other strengths.
I found the people I was talking to really boring. My promising new friend suggested that it was because I was boring, haha.
My brother has this amazing gift. He can talk to anyone and find whatever they say interesting. (Or at least fake it very well.) I don’t know how he does it, but he seems to have at least some knowledge on every subject and in the rare cases he doesn’t he knows exactly what questions to ask to make his conversation partner to feel interesting.
The thing is, hardly anyone is actually boring. Everyone knows something you don’t and it can only be to your benefit to get them to share this. In order to do this, you need to be confident in your own interestingness, so you don’t feel bad when you’re not sharing trivia about yourself and the things you know a lot about. The best way to combat the boringness in others is to develop an interest in everything.
Signalling what, exactly? Sexual desirability? Competent adultness? Showcasing your ability to have a girlfriend? I understand that having a sexual and romantic partner has signalling value, I just don’t think it’s very useful to have signaling as a major goal. (Unless I misunderstood you and signalling is just considered a side-benefit.)
Also keep in mind that finding a person who is compatible with you in a sexual, emotional and social way is hard enough that finding a partner who is all that and likes the same sort of sports and fitness activities as you do is even harder.
You’re treating this as a business problem (and I’m unsure if this is the correct approach, but whatever), but what product are you selling? Why would a costumer be interested in consuming your product?
You say you’re unique, but let’s face it, most humans are. (Not to mention that uniqueness is not a good quality by default.) Why should a potential partner be interested in your uniqueness? What do you have to offer that a competitor doesn’t also offer?
Powerful people might have tendency for monotone. This doesn’t mean that everyone with a monotone is perceived as powerful. As other have mentioned, there are probably other factors at play here as well. There are probably different sorts of monotone voices.
I only have minimal knowledge of the whole pick-up thing, but I think there’s some truth in what your friend says. Unless it comes natural to you (and this might come with practice, so I don’t want to speak badly about pickup), using predetermined strategies and such will come across as more awkward and less natural than just general social awkwardness.
Being naturally awkward isn’t really such a bad thing, as long as you can own your awkwardness and focus on your other strengths.
My brother has this amazing gift. He can talk to anyone and find whatever they say interesting. (Or at least fake it very well.) I don’t know how he does it, but he seems to have at least some knowledge on every subject and in the rare cases he doesn’t he knows exactly what questions to ask to make his conversation partner to feel interesting.
The thing is, hardly anyone is actually boring. Everyone knows something you don’t and it can only be to your benefit to get them to share this. In order to do this, you need to be confident in your own interestingness, so you don’t feel bad when you’re not sharing trivia about yourself and the things you know a lot about. The best way to combat the boringness in others is to develop an interest in everything.