Edit: Plausibly what I’m describing here is what you call a “degenerate case of nurture that is just about nice and polite” but I think there’s a lot more to it than common notions of niceness and politeness. 1) In the ideal case, it’s motivated by real caring, not social convention. 2) It’s more demanding than mere pleases and thank yous.
I’d agree with that: I think what you are pointing at with nurture culture has to be much deeper and richer than you are saying before it’s useful for more than just people getting along nicely while doing other things. Nurture culture is capable of the same kind of cutting, deep engagement that you are seeing with combat culture, but to do that it requires much more than shallow modeling of other people.
I completely agree that Nurture Culture has capabilities far beyond getting along without conflict.
When I think of examples of Nurture Culture at its most powerful, much of what comes to mind is the mode of relating used in Focusing, Internal Double-Crux, and Internal Family Systems. There’s a mode of relating that facilitate hazy, not-necessarily articulate, reticent, even fearful parts of oneself to voice themselves by being open, encouraging, validating, and non-judgmental (i.e., traits which are not particularly the hallmarks of Combat Culture).
I’ve found that increased skill with “advanced” Nurture Culture helped me relate to parts of myself far better alongside relating to others better.
At the risk of being a little repetitive , I’ll think the modeling required for this mode of relating is not that of beliefs but of feelings. You model (and are attentive and responsive to) the feelings of the other (internal or external) in the context: continuously gauging their comfort, willingness, and needs within the conversation. Pushing and giving space as required.
I’d agree with that: I think what you are pointing at with nurture culture has to be much deeper and richer than you are saying before it’s useful for more than just people getting along nicely while doing other things. Nurture culture is capable of the same kind of cutting, deep engagement that you are seeing with combat culture, but to do that it requires much more than shallow modeling of other people.
I completely agree that Nurture Culture has capabilities far beyond getting along without conflict.
When I think of examples of Nurture Culture at its most powerful, much of what comes to mind is the mode of relating used in Focusing, Internal Double-Crux, and Internal Family Systems. There’s a mode of relating that facilitate hazy, not-necessarily articulate, reticent, even fearful parts of oneself to voice themselves by being open, encouraging, validating, and non-judgmental (i.e., traits which are not particularly the hallmarks of Combat Culture).
I’ve found that increased skill with “advanced” Nurture Culture helped me relate to parts of myself far better alongside relating to others better.
At the risk of being a little repetitive , I’ll think the modeling required for this mode of relating is not that of beliefs but of feelings. You model (and are attentive and responsive to) the feelings of the other (internal or external) in the context: continuously gauging their comfort, willingness, and needs within the conversation. Pushing and giving space as required.