Owning up to the fact that your girlfriend actually hates you doesn’t make her hate you more.
Owning up to the fact would make you feel bad, and so would stubbing your toe.
Even here that wouldn’t be my anticipated experience. Owning up to it would entail recategorizing a whole bunch of experiences from “unexpected unpleasant actions by someone who loves me” to “some girl who hates me just being a bitch”. I can almost hear the gate to that emotional vulnerability slamming shut.
Evidence is a hard problem, especially about emotions, and there are people who want to believe the worst just as there are people who want to ignore the bad news.
Maybe your girlfriend hates you. Maybe she loves you some of the time, but not enough to take the ill effects of her bad temper seriously. The latter is a more complicated situation.
Maybe your girlfriend hates you. Maybe she loves you some of the time, but not enough to take the ill effects of her bad temper seriously. The latter is a more complicated situation.
More complicated for her at least—because in that case she’ll actually be sad when I dump her. I find it simplifies things greatly if I concern myself with actual relevant behavior and not speculative model’s of internal state.
Owning up to the fact that your girlfriend actually hates you doesn’t make her hate you more.
Owning up to the fact would make you feel bad, and so would stubbing your toe.
Distinguish between the two levels: what the information means, and what it feels like from the inside to process the information.
Even here that wouldn’t be my anticipated experience. Owning up to it would entail recategorizing a whole bunch of experiences from “unexpected unpleasant actions by someone who loves me” to “some girl who hates me just being a bitch”. I can almost hear the gate to that emotional vulnerability slamming shut.
Evidence is a hard problem, especially about emotions, and there are people who want to believe the worst just as there are people who want to ignore the bad news.
Maybe your girlfriend hates you. Maybe she loves you some of the time, but not enough to take the ill effects of her bad temper seriously. The latter is a more complicated situation.
More complicated for her at least—because in that case she’ll actually be sad when I dump her. I find it simplifies things greatly if I concern myself with actual relevant behavior and not speculative model’s of internal state.