Allowing somebody to continue to be an organizer for something after they confess to rape
To fill in some details (I asked Robert, he’s fine with it):
Robert had not confessed to rape, at least not the way I would use the word. He had told me of an incident where (as he told it to me) [edit: the following text is rot13′d, because it contains explicit descriptions of sexual acts] ur naq Wnl unq obgu chg ba pbaqbzf, Wnl unq chg ure zbhgu ba Eboreg’f cravf, naq yngre Eboreg unq chg uvf zbhgu ba Wnl’f cravf jvgubhg nfxvat, naq pbagvahrq sbe nobhg unys n zvahgr orsber abgvpvat fbzrguvat jnf jebat. Wnl sryg genhzngvmrq ol guvf. Eboreg vzzrqvngryl erterggrq vg, naq ernyvmrq ur fubhyq unir nfxrq svefg, naq fubhyq unir abgvprq rneyvre fvtaf bs qvfpbzsbeg.
Robert asked for my help getting better at consent, and I recommended he do a bunch of sessions on consent with a life coach named Matt Porcelli, which he did (he tells me they did not much help); I also had a bunch of conversations with him about consent across several months, but suspect these did at most a small part of what was needed. I did allow him to continue using CFAR’s community space to run (non-CFAR-affiliated) LW events after he told me of this incident. In hindsight I would do a bunch of things differently around these events, particularly asking Jay more questions about how it went, and asking Robert more questions too probably, particularly since in hindsight there were a number of other signs that Robert didn’t have the right skills and character here (e.g., he found it difficult to believe he could refuse hugs; and he’d told me about a previous more minor incident involving Robert giving someone else “permission” to touch Jay’s hair.) My guess in hindsight is that the incident had more warning signs about it than I noticed at the time. But I don’t think “he confessed to rape” is a good description.
(Separately, Somni and Jay later published complaints about Robert that included more than what’s above, after which CFAR asked Robert not to be in CFAR’s community space. Robert and I remained and remain friends.)
(Robert has since worked with an AltJ group that he says actually helped a lot, if it matters, and has shown me writeups and things that leave me thinking he’s taken things pretty seriously and has been slowly acquiring the skills/character he initially lacked. I am inclined to think he has made serious progress, via serious work. But I am definitely not qualified to judge this on behalf of a community; if CFAR ever readmits Robert to community events it will be on someone else’s judgment who seems better at this sort of judgment, not sure who.)
To fill in some details (I asked Robert, he’s fine with it):
Robert had not confessed to rape, at least not the way I would use the word. He had told me of an incident where (as he told it to me) [edit: the following text is rot13′d, because it contains explicit descriptions of sexual acts] ur naq Wnl unq obgu chg ba pbaqbzf, Wnl unq chg ure zbhgu ba Eboreg’f cravf, naq yngre Eboreg unq chg uvf zbhgu ba Wnl’f cravf jvgubhg nfxvat, naq pbagvahrq sbe nobhg unys n zvahgr orsber abgvpvat fbzrguvat jnf jebat. Wnl sryg genhzngvmrq ol guvf. Eboreg vzzrqvngryl erterggrq vg, naq ernyvmrq ur fubhyq unir nfxrq svefg, naq fubhyq unir abgvprq rneyvre fvtaf bs qvfpbzsbeg.
Robert asked for my help getting better at consent, and I recommended he do a bunch of sessions on consent with a life coach named Matt Porcelli, which he did (he tells me they did not much help); I also had a bunch of conversations with him about consent across several months, but suspect these did at most a small part of what was needed. I did allow him to continue using CFAR’s community space to run (non-CFAR-affiliated) LW events after he told me of this incident. In hindsight I would do a bunch of things differently around these events, particularly asking Jay more questions about how it went, and asking Robert more questions too probably, particularly since in hindsight there were a number of other signs that Robert didn’t have the right skills and character here (e.g., he found it difficult to believe he could refuse hugs; and he’d told me about a previous more minor incident involving Robert giving someone else “permission” to touch Jay’s hair.) My guess in hindsight is that the incident had more warning signs about it than I noticed at the time. But I don’t think “he confessed to rape” is a good description.
(Separately, Somni and Jay later published complaints about Robert that included more than what’s above, after which CFAR asked Robert not to be in CFAR’s community space. Robert and I remained and remain friends.)
(Robert has since worked with an AltJ group that he says actually helped a lot, if it matters, and has shown me writeups and things that leave me thinking he’s taken things pretty seriously and has been slowly acquiring the skills/character he initially lacked. I am inclined to think he has made serious progress, via serious work. But I am definitely not qualified to judge this on behalf of a community; if CFAR ever readmits Robert to community events it will be on someone else’s judgment who seems better at this sort of judgment, not sure who.)