I actually had in mind less personal questions, that might take some research, insight, and work to get a real answer to.
You’re not talking about ‘rhetorical’ questions, are you? Something like “How could someone do something that stupid?” Can be intended rhetorically even though it’s a question that should probably be answered for real (unlike the more obviously rhetorical “does a bear shit in the woods?”)
The only other non-trivially answered questions that I can think of getting an ignore response are still personal (e.g. what’s your life plan?).
Yes, what I am describing is asking rhetorically a question that should probably be answered for real.
Do you have an example?
I am finding this quite irksome, but I can’t recall exactly what the question was when I clicked on this pattern not quite a week ago. It might have something about the behavior of hospital or doctors, what I remember more clearly is having considered the question for a few seconds and having something to say about, noticing that no one else cared, that this situation was very familiar, and realizing, “duh! they never really wanted an answer.” I then started to rejoin the conversation, which probably didn’t help for recall. I intend to track this more carefully in the future.
I’m guessing, but I think JGW probably was talking about “open questions” rather than rhetorical ones.
Rhetorical ones imply that they shouldn’t be answered. Open questions are ones that, by their nature, require you to answer in more depth than just a single response.
Consider the following. If you start with:
“where did you go to school?” or “what did you study?” as opening questions (which could have simple, one-word replies)
Compare the followup question:
“what subject did you enjoy most?”
where a one-word response would again be an acceptable response. You’ve already specified what you expect them to say—and they’ll dutifully say it and the question is done.
instead try:
“what did you enjoy most in your course?”
you can’t answer that as easily with one word—it makes a person actually think about their response.
Even if they reply quickly (eg “maths’) you can now ask them why and have something else to ask more about. See how far you can go (without boring them or making them feel like you’re a creepy stalker). Can you get them to confess that they secretly had a crush on their Math 101 tutor? :)
Leave your questions open to interpretation, and it’ll get people talking more.
In my experience, people like talking about themselves… and they like talking about why they like what they like. Those are the best smalltalk questions to get started.
Sounds like someone had a crush on their Math 101 teacher....
But yes, this is right on. Ask them a question that allows (but does not require) the other person to tell a story (stories can be quite short...I use the word in a loose sense). Respond with your own, make it as short or shorter, and only one-up someone once.
(by one-up I mean, tell a better story. If they tell you about their cute Math 101 teacher, and you tell them about the time you saw your math teacher on a date or something, and they come back with the math teacher drunk at a casino or something, maybe leave it at that....sometimes people don’t like to have their story trumped, unless you have a REALLY good story to throw down there).
You’re not talking about ‘rhetorical’ questions, are you? Something like “How could someone do something that stupid?” Can be intended rhetorically even though it’s a question that should probably be answered for real (unlike the more obviously rhetorical “does a bear shit in the woods?”)
The only other non-trivially answered questions that I can think of getting an ignore response are still personal (e.g. what’s your life plan?).
Do you have an example?
Yes, what I am describing is asking rhetorically a question that should probably be answered for real.
I am finding this quite irksome, but I can’t recall exactly what the question was when I clicked on this pattern not quite a week ago. It might have something about the behavior of hospital or doctors, what I remember more clearly is having considered the question for a few seconds and having something to say about, noticing that no one else cared, that this situation was very familiar, and realizing, “duh! they never really wanted an answer.” I then started to rejoin the conversation, which probably didn’t help for recall. I intend to track this more carefully in the future.
I’m guessing, but I think JGW probably was talking about “open questions” rather than rhetorical ones.
Rhetorical ones imply that they shouldn’t be answered. Open questions are ones that, by their nature, require you to answer in more depth than just a single response.
Consider the following. If you start with: “where did you go to school?” or “what did you study?” as opening questions (which could have simple, one-word replies)
Compare the followup question: “what subject did you enjoy most?” where a one-word response would again be an acceptable response. You’ve already specified what you expect them to say—and they’ll dutifully say it and the question is done.
instead try:
“what did you enjoy most in your course?” you can’t answer that as easily with one word—it makes a person actually think about their response.
Even if they reply quickly (eg “maths’) you can now ask them why and have something else to ask more about. See how far you can go (without boring them or making them feel like you’re a creepy stalker). Can you get them to confess that they secretly had a crush on their Math 101 tutor? :)
Leave your questions open to interpretation, and it’ll get people talking more. In my experience, people like talking about themselves… and they like talking about why they like what they like. Those are the best smalltalk questions to get started.
Sounds like someone had a crush on their Math 101 teacher....
But yes, this is right on. Ask them a question that allows (but does not require) the other person to tell a story (stories can be quite short...I use the word in a loose sense). Respond with your own, make it as short or shorter, and only one-up someone once.
(by one-up I mean, tell a better story. If they tell you about their cute Math 101 teacher, and you tell them about the time you saw your math teacher on a date or something, and they come back with the math teacher drunk at a casino or something, maybe leave it at that....sometimes people don’t like to have their story trumped, unless you have a REALLY good story to throw down there).
Actually it was Knowledge Based Systems… Cute and made me think. :)
Math 101 I spent up the back next to a Mensa guy who kept distracting me with interesting puzzles… but that’s another story.