I like using other people’s objection to my behaviours as a screening mechanism too. A lot of the time it is the optimal thing to do. Unfortunately, however, there are also times where there are some significant tradeoffs to be made. There is real value in selectively applying mildly unpleasant conformity so as to not limit your options.
For example at a time when I did not prefer to drink I adapted my behaviour while I was socialising with an angel investor. It just made rapport that much easier. We never used him as a source of investment but he was an invaluable source of ongoing advice and insight into the business process.
Another common scenario when socialising is that there are some people in a crowd that you wish to spend time with, and there are some people who are a waste of oxygen that you also have to get along with because they are part of the scene and you don’t have the bitchcraft skills to exclude them. It can be necessary to maintain a positive reputation with the worthless folks so as to not limit your opportunities with the folks you like. Having significantly different values can contribute to alienation and simply not paying attention is not always sufficient.
I honestly think that people who give me blank stares usually are worth my attention. But that doesn’t mean I think my attention to them is in the form of trying to justify myself. Some more effective ways to apply one’s attention in order to minimise social awkwardness have already been supplied here—and your own suggestion (great grandparent) is one that often works smoothly.
Yeah, this. Also there’s people that I just think are reasonably cool people except for this one area. And while they’re cool enough people that they’re not going to shun me if I don’t drink, it still creates an uncomfortable aura that requires more effort on both our parts to work through.
From my point of view, the kind of people who give you blank stares for that don’t deserve your attention.
I like using other people’s objection to my behaviours as a screening mechanism too. A lot of the time it is the optimal thing to do. Unfortunately, however, there are also times where there are some significant tradeoffs to be made. There is real value in selectively applying mildly unpleasant conformity so as to not limit your options.
For example at a time when I did not prefer to drink I adapted my behaviour while I was socialising with an angel investor. It just made rapport that much easier. We never used him as a source of investment but he was an invaluable source of ongoing advice and insight into the business process.
Another common scenario when socialising is that there are some people in a crowd that you wish to spend time with, and there are some people who are a waste of oxygen that you also have to get along with because they are part of the scene and you don’t have the bitchcraft skills to exclude them. It can be necessary to maintain a positive reputation with the worthless folks so as to not limit your opportunities with the folks you like. Having significantly different values can contribute to alienation and simply not paying attention is not always sufficient.
I honestly think that people who give me blank stares usually are worth my attention. But that doesn’t mean I think my attention to them is in the form of trying to justify myself. Some more effective ways to apply one’s attention in order to minimise social awkwardness have already been supplied here—and your own suggestion (great grandparent) is one that often works smoothly.
Yeah, this. Also there’s people that I just think are reasonably cool people except for this one area. And while they’re cool enough people that they’re not going to shun me if I don’t drink, it still creates an uncomfortable aura that requires more effort on both our parts to work through.