Feels real and definitely reminds of me of some dynamics in which I’ve participated or that I have observed.
This is what causes people like Robert Greene (The 48 Laws of Power) to have a law that says “Infection: Avoid The Unhappy & Unlucky”. Of course this is very cynical and I do not endorse it. Nevertheless, it seems like avoiding misery pits is a good idea, and I think one can tell after observing a person for a little while.
Tells: (1) Does the person make efforts? Are these efforts designed to make a change, or just for show? -- It can sometimes be hard to tell, but when you break it down into simpler and simpler directives, it may become very clear. I once had a person who would not follow simple instructions that a 5 years old could follow, that would have helped her to solve a class problem.
(2) Attitude. Does the person always make excuses for her failings? Or worse, non-excuses: self-flagellation, “I’m like this”. Does she always have a reason why it won’t work? Again, hard to tell. Sometimes, very much, if the person simply has a very different worldview. I do not recommend using this heuristic in general, but for potential misery pits it can be quite telling if the person has tons of problems and if for all of them there is learned helplessness.
That being said… take everything with a grain of salt (as you should always). For contrast, I was (and I guess still am) deeply in love with a misery pit who ended up leaving me after two years spent together. There is something there I don’t quite understand, but I like to think that her redeeming qualities make up for the misery pit quality. But when all is said and done, I’m happy I didn’t take Robert Greene’s advice. But this was also not “another stranger on the internet”.
Feels real and definitely reminds of me of some dynamics in which I’ve participated or that I have observed.
This is what causes people like Robert Greene (The 48 Laws of Power) to have a law that says “Infection: Avoid The Unhappy & Unlucky”. Of course this is very cynical and I do not endorse it. Nevertheless, it seems like avoiding misery pits is a good idea, and I think one can tell after observing a person for a little while.
Tells: (1) Does the person make efforts? Are these efforts designed to make a change, or just for show? -- It can sometimes be hard to tell, but when you break it down into simpler and simpler directives, it may become very clear. I once had a person who would not follow simple instructions that a 5 years old could follow, that would have helped her to solve a class problem.
(2) Attitude. Does the person always make excuses for her failings? Or worse, non-excuses: self-flagellation, “I’m like this”. Does she always have a reason why it won’t work? Again, hard to tell. Sometimes, very much, if the person simply has a very different worldview. I do not recommend using this heuristic in general, but for potential misery pits it can be quite telling if the person has tons of problems and if for all of them there is learned helplessness.
That being said… take everything with a grain of salt (as you should always). For contrast, I was (and I guess still am) deeply in love with a misery pit who ended up leaving me after two years spent together. There is something there I don’t quite understand, but I like to think that her redeeming qualities make up for the misery pit quality. But when all is said and done, I’m happy I didn’t take Robert Greene’s advice. But this was also not “another stranger on the internet”.