Not sure it’ll work for anyone besides me, so I’ll just do a comment.
The story went like this. Several nasty things happened in one week: we split up with my first gf after a 7 year relationship (mostly due to my neediness), the company I worked at went bankrupt, I lost my apartment, and my grandmother died in the hospice as I watched. That wouldn’t bother a stable person much, but 23 year old me also wasn’t a very stable person. When my mind started giving me persistent thoughts about self-harm, I said “nope” and decided to try self-modification first. The idea that external people/events are responsible for my well-being seemed like the obvious culprit, so I set about changing that. I holed up in my parents’ attic and spent hours every day reading books and formulating phrases, then more hours painstakingly holding these phrases in my mind. “Nobody owes you anything” was an especially strong phrase. “Never guilt trip anyone” was also important.
I didn’t have any guidelines for the whole procedure, it felt weird and dangerous, but somehow right. Anyway, after a few weeks I finished it with no ill effects. My needy behavior went away for good (this was 12 years ago). I also lost almost all sense of fear for awhile. Eventually it came back, but in the meantime (3-4 years) I got enough “young fun” to last a few lifetimes and set up the perfect social life for myself. At 35, I think my 23 year old self did a surprisingly good job.
Of course it could’ve gone badly. Any such procedure comes with a large risk of self-harm. But my mind gave me a choice between that or certain self-harm. If your situation is less dire, don’t try this!
Several nasty things happened in one week: we split up with my first gf after a 7 year relationship (mostly due to my neediness), the company I worked at went bankrupt, I lost my apartment, and my grandmother died in the hospice as I watched. That wouldn’t bother a stable person much, but 23 year old me also wasn’t a very stable person.
Jesus, whoever these “stable people” you speak of are, I’d like to meet them. I don’t think I know a single person who wouldn’t crack in such a situation.
Not sure it’ll work for anyone besides me, so I’ll just do a comment.
The story went like this. Several nasty things happened in one week: we split up with my first gf after a 7 year relationship (mostly due to my neediness), the company I worked at went bankrupt, I lost my apartment, and my grandmother died in the hospice as I watched. That wouldn’t bother a stable person much, but 23 year old me also wasn’t a very stable person. When my mind started giving me persistent thoughts about self-harm, I said “nope” and decided to try self-modification first. The idea that external people/events are responsible for my well-being seemed like the obvious culprit, so I set about changing that. I holed up in my parents’ attic and spent hours every day reading books and formulating phrases, then more hours painstakingly holding these phrases in my mind. “Nobody owes you anything” was an especially strong phrase. “Never guilt trip anyone” was also important.
I didn’t have any guidelines for the whole procedure, it felt weird and dangerous, but somehow right. Anyway, after a few weeks I finished it with no ill effects. My needy behavior went away for good (this was 12 years ago). I also lost almost all sense of fear for awhile. Eventually it came back, but in the meantime (3-4 years) I got enough “young fun” to last a few lifetimes and set up the perfect social life for myself. At 35, I think my 23 year old self did a surprisingly good job.
Of course it could’ve gone badly. Any such procedure comes with a large risk of self-harm. But my mind gave me a choice between that or certain self-harm. If your situation is less dire, don’t try this!
Jesus, whoever these “stable people” you speak of are, I’d like to meet them. I don’t think I know a single person who wouldn’t crack in such a situation.