My immediate gut reaction (to your first paragraph) is that you’re trying for a deeply profound style, and that makes me want to stop reading. I understand exactly why that feels like the right style for an account of apostasy, but it’s infinitely better to be as basic and plain-spoken as you would be in a casual conversation. (After all, you’re not trying to win a prize for style or satisfy the requirements of academics, you’re trying to help your friends to see and respect where you’re coming from.) Edit your first page until you can read it out loud to a stranger and have it sound like natural speech.
I agree, and I was. I also started that first (naturally), so I think the idea of finally writing this was more dramatic to me at the time, hence what you’re picking up. Hopefully the rest isn’t like that (as much). I’ll re-read with this in mind and try to be more natural.
Edit your first page until you can read it out loud to a stranger and have it sound like natural speech.
Well put, especially in terms of having something tangible to know when it’s right.
You’re right, the rest of it is much better in style (although the last paragraph has the same problem). Also, thanks for the link to the Outsider Test- this is exactly what precipitated my own apostasy as well. In the midst of my usual cycle of faith and doubt, I started asking myself what someone who was like me except for my social and psychological pressures would think of the evidence. The answer was frighteningly clear once I started thinking like that.
The conclusion was also written on the very early side :)
Re. the Outsider Test, one of the most eye opening things for me, albeit recently and much post-deconversion, was listening to an Islamic convert from Christianity (example). While I still might not agree with his reasons, it was enlightening to hear someone talk with passion, conviction, reasons, scriptural backings, and so forth about a completely alien faith… all while using the same language, emotion, and excitement that I did about my faith.
My immediate gut reaction (to your first paragraph) is that you’re trying for a deeply profound style, and that makes me want to stop reading. I understand exactly why that feels like the right style for an account of apostasy, but it’s infinitely better to be as basic and plain-spoken as you would be in a casual conversation. (After all, you’re not trying to win a prize for style or satisfy the requirements of academics, you’re trying to help your friends to see and respect where you’re coming from.) Edit your first page until you can read it out loud to a stranger and have it sound like natural speech.
I agree, and I was. I also started that first (naturally), so I think the idea of finally writing this was more dramatic to me at the time, hence what you’re picking up. Hopefully the rest isn’t like that (as much). I’ll re-read with this in mind and try to be more natural.
Well put, especially in terms of having something tangible to know when it’s right.
You’re right, the rest of it is much better in style (although the last paragraph has the same problem). Also, thanks for the link to the Outsider Test- this is exactly what precipitated my own apostasy as well. In the midst of my usual cycle of faith and doubt, I started asking myself what someone who was like me except for my social and psychological pressures would think of the evidence. The answer was frighteningly clear once I started thinking like that.
The conclusion was also written on the very early side :)
Re. the Outsider Test, one of the most eye opening things for me, albeit recently and much post-deconversion, was listening to an Islamic convert from Christianity (example). While I still might not agree with his reasons, it was enlightening to hear someone talk with passion, conviction, reasons, scriptural backings, and so forth about a completely alien faith… all while using the same language, emotion, and excitement that I did about my faith.
I sensed this but couldn’t put words around it. Thanlk for doing so, as I will now have a better idea of what to say about this kind of writing.