I don’t just mean for this to be about confrontations.
The viewpoint I’m about to express is in danger of being suppressed, so I’m bravely fighting against oppression by saying it
That is how I meant it, though “oppression” is maybe a bit stronger than I meant—I mean that people in a fairly common social attractor in mindspace tend to try to make anyone who disagrees with them into an argument target. I do this to prevent their credible threat of dismissing me if I try to tell them nicely from completely shutting me up.
frank enough criticism
That’s not what I mean, though; the place I got this name is that I often notice that I want to give feedback about a way someone has done something that excluded me, and they won’t be happy with me complaining. this policy is an attempt to make sure that some of the time, they still find out. I have found that it applies a bit more generally, and I execute this any time I worry that someone will be blackholed or ghosted or in some other way simply abandoned if they aren’t told what’s happening.
“informative” and “polite”
Yeah, I agree that there are things that I don’t often have the energy for that would make things come across better, and possibly things I do have the energy for that I don’t understand well enough to do easily/correctly. There may even be free actions I could take. These are all probably true of others. I’m interested in any comments you can make about how someone who’s constantly background on guard against rejection can still minimize rudeness.
I don’t just mean for this to be about confrontations.
That is how I meant it, though “oppression” is maybe a bit stronger than I meant—I mean that people in a fairly common social attractor in mindspace tend to try to make anyone who disagrees with them into an argument target. I do this to prevent their credible threat of dismissing me if I try to tell them nicely from completely shutting me up.
That’s not what I mean, though; the place I got this name is that I often notice that I want to give feedback about a way someone has done something that excluded me, and they won’t be happy with me complaining. this policy is an attempt to make sure that some of the time, they still find out. I have found that it applies a bit more generally, and I execute this any time I worry that someone will be blackholed or ghosted or in some other way simply abandoned if they aren’t told what’s happening.
Yeah, I agree that there are things that I don’t often have the energy for that would make things come across better, and possibly things I do have the energy for that I don’t understand well enough to do easily/correctly. There may even be free actions I could take. These are all probably true of others. I’m interested in any comments you can make about how someone who’s constantly background on guard against rejection can still minimize rudeness.
(Keep in mind that I’m not just oblivious.)