polyamorous relationship with a “primary” would be a constant battle of sorts to ensure that I have a greater than or equal to number of dating prospects as my partner
Why would you want to do that? Don’t you have anything more useful to do with your life?
I look at this hypothetical situation like this:
Situation: I have only one partner who in turn has multiple partners.
Pros:
I get to spend time with my partner while not needing to fulfill all of their needs.
Cons:
I don’t get enough attention from my partner? But his can be discussed and negotiated. I may or may not pursue other partner(s) if I want to; no pressure on me here. Anyway, I’m better off having some of their attention rather than none or full attention of a grumpy partner and no possibility to pursue other partner(s) (the latter because my partner has other needs that I have trouble fulfilling; that’s what I would get in case of monogamy)
People tend to see relationships as more than contractual exchanges of favors. In this case it seems like gothgirl defines some of his self-worth from his ability to gain/keep partners, or at least draws some utility from having as many as his primary partner does.
People are complicated and get a lot of different things out of their relationships.
Why would you want to do that? Don’t you have anything more useful to do with your life?
I look at this hypothetical situation like this:
Situation: I have only one partner who in turn has multiple partners.
Pros:
I get to spend time with my partner while not needing to fulfill all of their needs.
Cons:
I don’t get enough attention from my partner? But his can be discussed and negotiated. I may or may not pursue other partner(s) if I want to; no pressure on me here. Anyway, I’m better off having some of their attention rather than none or full attention of a grumpy partner and no possibility to pursue other partner(s) (the latter because my partner has other needs that I have trouble fulfilling; that’s what I would get in case of monogamy)
I don’t see any other problems here. Do you?
I think you’re oversimplifying feelings a bit.
I think the onus is on you to explain where do you think I oversimplify.
People tend to see relationships as more than contractual exchanges of favors. In this case it seems like gothgirl defines some of his self-worth from his ability to gain/keep partners, or at least draws some utility from having as many as his primary partner does.
People are complicated and get a lot of different things out of their relationships.