I thought I specified this with “as often as you need”.
Although, after reading your comment it now occurs to me that it could be possible that others might not know how much fun they need. Is that true?
If so, I recommend you explore having an “unlimited” amount of fun without ceasing for days on end (think cliches of “spring break”) until you can naturally feel the inflection point at which adding more hedonistic experiences on top of your current pleasure no longer improves your happiness and you long for “relief from recreation”. If I’m remembering correctly, this is how I actually calibrated how much fun I need. Once you know this point, you can more naturally feel the bend of your own hedonistic pleasure curve and keep yourself in a state of content, disciplined happiness or slide yourself up towards bliss or down towards more subdued states depending on what’s appropriate for the situation.
What kind of fun should one have?
Sex is indeed the correct answer. In some ways, I feel like a chicken-shit for not finding the right way to say this directly in my article. I guess I didn’t want to point out sex as an ideal form of recreation since, based on reading comments here on LW, I perceive it as being relatively scarce among some readers. Now that I think of it, my mind actually estimates it as so low that it effectively rounds it down to zero unless I think it through consciously and realize that it can’t possibly be that divergent from any other community. Still, I know the pain of being someone who has had sex before, and then being reminded of how awesome sex is without having an outlet for it at the time, and having it leave me feeling unbelievably miserable. I didn’t want to leave even a single person reading my article in a place like that.
[ OTOH, if they’re down here reading the comments, sorry about that. ]
I guess normally just avoid mentioning sex to people unless I know they’re in an abundant sexual situation in life. This heuristic is probably overkill. How do other people deal with this?
Cuddling with people who are willing to accept it as just cuddling might be a good place to start.
Another avenue to explore is, imagine you had enough resources that neither physical health and safety nor status contests presented any challenge to you, but not quite enough for world-shattering extravagances. Beloved king of a small, peaceful city-state, maybe, with a staff of wise and dutiful ministers who can handle all the routine administrative drudgery. What would you do with your time? Appeal to the senses with fine food and music, perhaps, or explore mathematics?
Once you have a list of things, you’ll probably notice at least a few of those diversions don’t actually require regal-level assets to dabble in and enjoy, so try the practical stuff for real and explore different variations until you find something you like. Then, for each of the ‘sweet spots,’ go find a community of hundreds of people on the internet who have been obsessing about that particular sort of enjoyment for longer than you’ve been alive, and mine them for ideas, bearing in mind always that the only wrong ways to have fun are the ones that either a) have unacceptable long-term consequences for yourself and/or people you care about or b) don’t actually result in fun.
Exercise, socialise and do things that are challenging without being frustrating. If you can combine more than one of these into one activity then so much the better.
I know the pain of being someone who has had sex before, and then being reminded of how awesome sex is without having an outlet for it at the time, and having it leave me feeling unbelievably miserable. I didn’t want to leave even a single person reading my article in a place like that.
Everyone is embedded (Buss 2004) with a model of the interpreter when we speak in language. This model prevents us from saying imoral things in presence of selfs we are well acquainted with in their concept of morality.
I assume for speaking, just remind people of sex as much as your mind naturally allows. In the case of writing, where readers are many and do not have a model in your mind, shut up and calculate. That is, just talk about the pleasure of sex if you are using it in an argument about something else.
This is also helpful because it avoids Status Promotion bias, the bias that you have to pretend to have an awesome sex life so that people become attracted to you.
There are so many kinds of fun to be had, I suggest sex is overrated. Take great movies, roller coasters, conversations with friends, swimming, watching fire burn, pic-nics and hiking as prime examples which do Not last very long (as opposed to videogames, that simply exaust your minutes away).
I thought I specified this with “as often as you need”.
Although, after reading your comment it now occurs to me that it could be possible that others might not know how much fun they need. Is that true?
If so, I recommend you explore having an “unlimited” amount of fun without ceasing for days on end (think cliches of “spring break”) until you can naturally feel the inflection point at which adding more hedonistic experiences on top of your current pleasure no longer improves your happiness and you long for “relief from recreation”. If I’m remembering correctly, this is how I actually calibrated how much fun I need. Once you know this point, you can more naturally feel the bend of your own hedonistic pleasure curve and keep yourself in a state of content, disciplined happiness or slide yourself up towards bliss or down towards more subdued states depending on what’s appropriate for the situation.
Sex is indeed the correct answer. In some ways, I feel like a chicken-shit for not finding the right way to say this directly in my article. I guess I didn’t want to point out sex as an ideal form of recreation since, based on reading comments here on LW, I perceive it as being relatively scarce among some readers. Now that I think of it, my mind actually estimates it as so low that it effectively rounds it down to zero unless I think it through consciously and realize that it can’t possibly be that divergent from any other community. Still, I know the pain of being someone who has had sex before, and then being reminded of how awesome sex is without having an outlet for it at the time, and having it leave me feeling unbelievably miserable. I didn’t want to leave even a single person reading my article in a place like that.
[ OTOH, if they’re down here reading the comments, sorry about that. ]
I guess normally just avoid mentioning sex to people unless I know they’re in an abundant sexual situation in life. This heuristic is probably overkill. How do other people deal with this?
I’m not interested in sex, what’s the next best thing?
Cuddling with people who are willing to accept it as just cuddling might be a good place to start.
Another avenue to explore is, imagine you had enough resources that neither physical health and safety nor status contests presented any challenge to you, but not quite enough for world-shattering extravagances. Beloved king of a small, peaceful city-state, maybe, with a staff of wise and dutiful ministers who can handle all the routine administrative drudgery. What would you do with your time? Appeal to the senses with fine food and music, perhaps, or explore mathematics?
Once you have a list of things, you’ll probably notice at least a few of those diversions don’t actually require regal-level assets to dabble in and enjoy, so try the practical stuff for real and explore different variations until you find something you like. Then, for each of the ‘sweet spots,’ go find a community of hundreds of people on the internet who have been obsessing about that particular sort of enjoyment for longer than you’ve been alive, and mine them for ideas, bearing in mind always that the only wrong ways to have fun are the ones that either a) have unacceptable long-term consequences for yourself and/or people you care about or b) don’t actually result in fun.
Exercise, socialise and do things that are challenging without being frustrating. If you can combine more than one of these into one activity then so much the better.
For me, being the center of (positive) attention. For example, performing for an audience gives me a HUGE rush.
For me, it’s sugar. YMMV.
Dancing is mine.
This thought is very much appreciated.
Everyone is embedded (Buss 2004) with a model of the interpreter when we speak in language. This model prevents us from saying imoral things in presence of selfs we are well acquainted with in their concept of morality.
I assume for speaking, just remind people of sex as much as your mind naturally allows. In the case of writing, where readers are many and do not have a model in your mind, shut up and calculate. That is, just talk about the pleasure of sex if you are using it in an argument about something else.
This is also helpful because it avoids Status Promotion bias, the bias that you have to pretend to have an awesome sex life so that people become attracted to you.
There are so many kinds of fun to be had, I suggest sex is overrated. Take great movies, roller coasters, conversations with friends, swimming, watching fire burn, pic-nics and hiking as prime examples which do Not last very long (as opposed to videogames, that simply exaust your minutes away).