1. Yeah, this is tricky. I didn’t like the terminology, but I didn’t have a replacement. It’s hard to come up with a term for this (for reasons discussed at length in the post). I was looking more at ‘both are ’boundaries″ and disambiguating that it is your boundary (versus the social one) that you are sort of opting in/asking others to work with you to define. (Opting-in (by self) to boundary exploration (of self by others).) ‘Boundary exploration’ still doesn’t sound good, though ‘boundary violation’ sounds worse. Emphasizing the opt-in part in the terminology seems helpful, given that it’s what you want is a surprise, hence it not being ‘someone asks for permission to push you in the pool’.
1⁄2. It seems clear that what you want would involve people asking someone other than the person being surprised. (Like planning a surprise party, or ‘Friend A throws Friend B into the pool in order to splash Friend C during a water fight/similar game’.)
2. Yeah, aside from the issue over all (surprising seems hard to scale)...You were mostly talking about other things, but it kind of sounded like you wanted a surprise party. (Or to be surprised by, not it, but what would happen there.) That seems like it could be
hard to do with a party.
Very dependent on stuff like where you are (versus talking about an abstract topic on LW). (Like, is the weather good enough that, your friends don’t tell you where the party will be, and the day of, they surprise you by*...going to the beach. Or some other place that’s fun for a group, and it’s a surprise.)
*associated details might include, your eyes are covered or closed until you get there etc.
This is a narrower topic than ‘how to handle/negotiate fitting the personal bounds rather than the other one, which is being treated in this post as serving a different purpose’, so I didn’t focus on it more.
1. Yeah, this is tricky. I didn’t like the terminology, but I didn’t have a replacement. It’s hard to come up with a term for this (for reasons discussed at length in the post). I was looking more at ‘both are ’boundaries″ and disambiguating that it is your boundary (versus the social one) that you are sort of opting in/asking others to work with you to define. (Opting-in (by self) to boundary exploration (of self by others).) ‘Boundary exploration’ still doesn’t sound good, though ‘boundary violation’ sounds worse. Emphasizing the opt-in part in the terminology seems helpful, given that it’s what you want is a surprise, hence it not being ‘someone asks for permission to push you in the pool’.
1⁄2. It seems clear that what you want would involve people asking someone other than the person being surprised. (Like planning a surprise party, or ‘Friend A throws Friend B into the pool in order to splash Friend C during a water fight/similar game’.)
2. Yeah, aside from the issue over all (surprising seems hard to scale)...You were mostly talking about other things, but it kind of sounded like you wanted a surprise party. (Or to be surprised by, not it, but what would happen there.) That seems like it could be
hard to do with a party.
Very dependent on stuff like where you are (versus talking about an abstract topic on LW). (Like, is the weather good enough that, your friends don’t tell you where the party will be, and the day of, they surprise you by*...going to the beach. Or some other place that’s fun for a group, and it’s a surprise.)
*associated details might include, your eyes are covered or closed until you get there etc.
This is a narrower topic than ‘how to handle/negotiate fitting the personal bounds rather than the other one, which is being treated in this post as serving a different purpose’, so I didn’t focus on it more.
3. That makes sense.