It’s a little hard to remember and pick out which things I got from self-help vs. other places, but here’s a quick guess at what some of the big ideas are:
we make sense of the world through stories
this is especially how we make sense of our own lives
we can change our lives by changing the story
we’re systems that can be influenced/controlled by mundane means
problems usually can be solved by changing our conditions
if something is wrong in our lives, it’s never a characteristic failing
it’s a failure to create the conditions for success
co-dependency is the default state
our minds evolved to have strong expectations about others
this was adaptive thousands and even hundreds of years ago
now we need to be secure in our ability to live our own lives and let others in in healthy ways
self-esteem comes from self-trust
you can do surface-level things to feel better about yourself
but until you learn to trust yourself you’ll always be missing out
there’s a self-improvement cycle
you notice something is wrong
things get worse for a while as you deconstruct things
then you have an insight
things get better as your reintegrate and add in the things you observed during deconstruction
you enter a new stable plateau that’s better than before
you stay there until you notice something that drives the next round of the cycle
There’s probably more stuff. I wrote a lot about it on my blog and Facebook as I was going through it. That’s all here now on Less Wrong. It’s probably not everything but I’ve got some stuff I left behind for folks.
It’s a little hard to remember and pick out which things I got from self-help vs. other places, but here’s a quick guess at what some of the big ideas are:
we make sense of the world through stories
this is especially how we make sense of our own lives
we can change our lives by changing the story
we’re systems that can be influenced/controlled by mundane means
problems usually can be solved by changing our conditions
if something is wrong in our lives, it’s never a characteristic failing
it’s a failure to create the conditions for success
co-dependency is the default state
our minds evolved to have strong expectations about others
this was adaptive thousands and even hundreds of years ago
now we need to be secure in our ability to live our own lives and let others in in healthy ways
self-esteem comes from self-trust
you can do surface-level things to feel better about yourself
but until you learn to trust yourself you’ll always be missing out
there’s a self-improvement cycle
you notice something is wrong
things get worse for a while as you deconstruct things
then you have an insight
things get better as your reintegrate and add in the things you observed during deconstruction
you enter a new stable plateau that’s better than before
you stay there until you notice something that drives the next round of the cycle
There’s probably more stuff. I wrote a lot about it on my blog and Facebook as I was going through it. That’s all here now on Less Wrong. It’s probably not everything but I’ve got some stuff I left behind for folks.
Thank you, this is an amazing summary!