I find that kind of interesting, since my mom’s similar behavior comes off as extremely arrogant to me. Electronics and computer software of any kind are the Domain of Men, and any problems she has with them are our responsibility to solve, no matter how many thousands of hours she’s been using a particular system and no matter how unfamiliar it is to us. If you try to guide her toward figuring something out herself, she’ll eventually grin and throw up her hands and say “Confusing! Confusing!” and repeat the request just do it for her.
On further thought it’s not strictly about doing things for her, but when she wants to know how to do something she wants specific, step-by-step instructions without trying to explain why those steps work (doing that will immediately trigger “Confusing! Confusing!”); i.e. “How do I check text messages on this phone which I’ve been using for years and which has simple and clearly labeled menus?”.
...I’m probably using a thread as an excuse to vent again, but GIFT.
I rather suspect my mother (or anyone else that wasn’t paying me a lot of money) would soon find that behaviour of that kind would rapidly lead to my disinclination to provide assistance. They can either show some respect and courtesy or follow the flowchart themselves.
Mind you I am willing to adjust my teaching to suit individual learning styles. Some people just really do suck at understanding how steps work. Meanwhile I am extremely poor at following instructions without understanding how they work—scarily so at times.
In general, becoming indignant is a good strategy for dealing with people that are manipulating you deliberately. Not many people are willing to follow that strategy with their immediate family, however.
Personally boundaries can be discovered, expressed and executed without indignation. Learning how not to get caught up in patterns that personally detrimental while minimising unhealthy forms of conflict is an invaluable skill.
Providing technical support is, after all, an optional service. It isn’t an obligation that you have to the world simply because you have the capability. People may be able to influence you to provide that support either by providing incentive or by making the experience of giving the favour rewarding in itself. Helping out of a frustrating sense of obligation is a less healthy and to be avoided if possible.
I find that kind of interesting, since my mom’s similar behavior comes off as extremely arrogant to me. Electronics and computer software of any kind are the Domain of Men, and any problems she has with them are our responsibility to solve, no matter how many thousands of hours she’s been using a particular system and no matter how unfamiliar it is to us. If you try to guide her toward figuring something out herself, she’ll eventually grin and throw up her hands and say “Confusing! Confusing!” and repeat the request just do it for her.
On further thought it’s not strictly about doing things for her, but when she wants to know how to do something she wants specific, step-by-step instructions without trying to explain why those steps work (doing that will immediately trigger “Confusing! Confusing!”); i.e. “How do I check text messages on this phone which I’ve been using for years and which has simple and clearly labeled menus?”.
...I’m probably using a thread as an excuse to vent again, but GIFT.
I rather suspect my mother (or anyone else that wasn’t paying me a lot of money) would soon find that behaviour of that kind would rapidly lead to my disinclination to provide assistance. They can either show some respect and courtesy or follow the flowchart themselves.
Mind you I am willing to adjust my teaching to suit individual learning styles. Some people just really do suck at understanding how steps work. Meanwhile I am extremely poor at following instructions without understanding how they work—scarily so at times.
In general, becoming indignant is a good strategy for dealing with people that are manipulating you deliberately. Not many people are willing to follow that strategy with their immediate family, however.
Personally boundaries can be discovered, expressed and executed without indignation. Learning how not to get caught up in patterns that personally detrimental while minimising unhealthy forms of conflict is an invaluable skill.
Providing technical support is, after all, an optional service. It isn’t an obligation that you have to the world simply because you have the capability. People may be able to influence you to provide that support either by providing incentive or by making the experience of giving the favour rewarding in itself. Helping out of a frustrating sense of obligation is a less healthy and to be avoided if possible.