I really dislike the fiction that we’re all rational beings. We really need to accept that sometimes people can’t share things with us. Stronger: not just accept but appreciate people who make this choice for their wisdom and tact. ALL of us have ideas that will strongly trigger us and if we’re honest and open-minded, we’ll be able recall situations when we unfairly judged someone because of a view that they held. I certainty can, way too many times to list.
I say this as someone who has a really strong sense of curiosity, knowing that I’ll feel slightly miffed when someone doesn’t feel comfortable being open with me. But it’s my job to deal with that, not the other person.
Don’t get me wrong. Openness and vulnerability are important. Just not *all* the time. Just not *everything*.
When you start identifying as a rationalist, the most important habit is saying “no” whenever someone says: “As a rationalist, you have to do X” or “If you won’t do X, you are not a true rationalist” etc. It is not a coincidence that X usually means you have to do what the other person wants for straightforward reasons.
Because some people will try using this against you. Realize that this usually means nothing more then “you exposed a potential weakness, they tried to exploit it” and is completely unrelated to the art of rationality.
(You can consider the merits of the argument, of course, but you should do it later, alone, when you are not under pressure. Don’t forget to use the outside view; the easiest way is to ask a few independent people.)
I really dislike the fiction that we’re all rational beings. We really need to accept that sometimes people can’t share things with us. Stronger: not just accept but appreciate people who make this choice for their wisdom and tact. ALL of us have ideas that will strongly trigger us and if we’re honest and open-minded, we’ll be able recall situations when we unfairly judged someone because of a view that they held. I certainty can, way too many times to list.
I say this as someone who has a really strong sense of curiosity, knowing that I’ll feel slightly miffed when someone doesn’t feel comfortable being open with me. But it’s my job to deal with that, not the other person.
Don’t get me wrong. Openness and vulnerability are important. Just not *all* the time. Just not *everything*.
When you start identifying as a rationalist, the most important habit is saying “no” whenever someone says: “As a rationalist, you have to do X” or “If you won’t do X, you are not a true rationalist” etc. It is not a coincidence that X usually means you have to do what the other person wants for straightforward reasons.
Because some people will try using this against you. Realize that this usually means nothing more then “you exposed a potential weakness, they tried to exploit it” and is completely unrelated to the art of rationality.
(You can consider the merits of the argument, of course, but you should do it later, alone, when you are not under pressure. Don’t forget to use the outside view; the easiest way is to ask a few independent people.)