This is highly dependent on the relation and the problem. If you don’t have a ready answer to “what should I do”, then you probably should be asking and discussion whether and what kind of problem there is, prior to expecting someone to put a bunch of thought into your short description.
Yes. I was thinking about the scenario where I make it absolutely clear that there is a problem. I feel that should be enough reason for them to start optimizing, and not take my inability to provide a policy for them to execute as an excuse to ignore the problem. Though I probably could describe the problem better. See also this.
Fair enough—those details matter in human relationships, and it’s probably not possible to abstract/generalize enough for you to be comfortable posting while still getting useful feedback in this forum.
I do worry that a lot of LW readers’ model of society and relationships is more symmetrical in goals and attitudes than is justified by experience and observation. Other-optimization (Trying to make someone more effective in satisfying your goals) is not pretty.
In this case, I mean that I’d be kind of shocked if most humans, even close friends or romantic partners, react to “here’s a problem I see in our relationship” with the openness and vigor you seem to expect.
In general, I mean there’s often a denial of the fact that most people are more selfish than we want to project.
This is highly dependent on the relation and the problem. If you don’t have a ready answer to “what should I do”, then you probably should be asking and discussion whether and what kind of problem there is, prior to expecting someone to put a bunch of thought into your short description.
Yes. I was thinking about the scenario where I make it absolutely clear that there is a problem. I feel that should be enough reason for them to start optimizing, and not take my inability to provide a policy for them to execute as an excuse to ignore the problem. Though I probably could describe the problem better. See also this.
Fair enough—those details matter in human relationships, and it’s probably not possible to abstract/generalize enough for you to be comfortable posting while still getting useful feedback in this forum.
I do worry that a lot of LW readers’ model of society and relationships is more symmetrical in goals and attitudes than is justified by experience and observation. Other-optimization (Trying to make someone more effective in satisfying your goals) is not pretty.
What do you mean by this?
In this case, I mean that I’d be kind of shocked if most humans, even close friends or romantic partners, react to “here’s a problem I see in our relationship” with the openness and vigor you seem to expect.
In general, I mean there’s often a denial of the fact that most people are more selfish than we want to project.