I think it’s something of a frame mistake to talk about lying when the other person is not physically capable of understanding the truth, and often is still learning the concepts he will use to assess truth in the future. If a child is incapable of understanding the physics of river currents, telling them “a monster will suck you under the water” is less a lie and more a translation. If a child says “I’m hot” when it’s freezing and you suggest “I’m cold”, are you gaslighting him or expanding his vocabulary?
“kiss it better” could be an aggressive lie, or it could be the most understandable way to convey to him that you acknowledge and care about his pain, without making it bigger than it is. It also empirically seems like it doesn’t override his own sense of “no, this actually hurts”, which is the most obvious potential cost.
I think it’s something of a frame mistake to talk about lying when the other person is not physically capable of understanding the truth, and often is still learning the concepts he will use to assess truth in the future. If a child is incapable of understanding the physics of river currents, telling them “a monster will suck you under the water” is less a lie and more a translation. If a child says “I’m hot” when it’s freezing and you suggest “I’m cold”, are you gaslighting him or expanding his vocabulary?
“kiss it better” could be an aggressive lie, or it could be the most understandable way to convey to him that you acknowledge and care about his pain, without making it bigger than it is. It also empirically seems like it doesn’t override his own sense of “no, this actually hurts”, which is the most obvious potential cost.