I also really like the sound of that alternative. It’s very powerful and personal, and the traditional hemming|hawing about active-not-passive voice actually is a rare case here of genuinely adding emotional voice.
What sort of feels wrong to me is that this piece is EXPLICITLY Eliezer talking (whereas Gift We Give Tomorrow are sort of generic people). It feels sort of presumptuous to pretend to be him. Of course, if I’m actually concerned about that then there’s more I need to be worried about than this line.
I also really like the sound of that alternative. It’s very powerful and personal, and the traditional hemming|hawing about active-not-passive voice actually is a rare case here of genuinely adding emotional voice.
What sort of feels wrong to me is that this piece is EXPLICITLY Eliezer talking (whereas Gift We Give Tomorrow are sort of generic people). It feels sort of presumptuous to pretend to be him. Of course, if I’m actually concerned about that then there’s more I need to be worried about than this line.