First, I don’t like the image at the top of the page. Knowing about map-territory I can see what it’s trying to say, but without that knowledge it basically looks Masonic. I found the images in this post to be far more evocative (obviously a lot more work was put into them, but it could be inspiration).
Second, I feel that the article is not speaking to the needs of the audience that well. You say that this is targeted to youth and young adults, so I’m going to assume this will mostly be high school and college student age ranges. Consider this:
This decreased my stress levels, and I gained more peace and calm. Moreover, I became more humble.
When I was at that stage of my life, I wasn’t looking for peace and calm, or to reduce my stress levels (in fact, being humble in high school and college is maladaptive, and many/most people who read Less Wrong needed more confidence, not more humility, and this probably applies to other people who would read rationality literature). I think people don’t realize those things are worthwhile when they are that young, so they aren’t emotionally resonant.
I also think the car metaphors aren’t great for targeting this age group. Many people in high school and college don’t drive very frequently, so they haven’t had time to reflect on the feelings of road rage very deeply. Most of them haven’t had a long daily commute, for example, even if they drive the likely short distance to school.
Part of what makes the sequences appealing is that they tell you that you can be awesome, and they give the impression that you’re learning things that no one else knows. Of course, if the sequences were enough then we could just point everyone at them, but it’s probably worthwhile to have learning materials that covers more niches. That said, my impression on reading this article is that it’s just pretty “milquetoast” and I wouldn’t go out of my way to read more articles of this type. I think more concrete, evocative examples of how understanding the fundamental attribution error has improved your life could make it better. As it is the only examples are extremely broad generalities.
This is a great start, and I found the actual explanation clear, I just think it needs reworking, or perhaps you just need more practice writing to find your “voice.”
Edit: I also don’t think that combining map-territory and fundamental attribution error the way it is here really works for me. The connection between the two requires more explanation than it’s given. I don’t think you can assume people will follow the links to internalize the full picture. And as a sidenote, I am also not in love with the idea of putting a bunch of questions at the end of the article. Makes it seem like a textbook, and if people are actually going to engage with the questions (which is very difficult to get people to do without explaining the benefits of such) then they should probably be sprinkled throughout.
Regarding the car and stress examples, I used them a number of times in presenting this material to college students (I am a professor at Ohio State), such as in this video. I got pretty good feedback from students about them. For example, one student wrote in an anonymous feedback form “”I really enjoyed the workshop. It helped me to see some of the problems I may be employing in my thinking about life and other people… Something I gained from this workshop are tools to help me be a less stressed-out person.” This is one of several data points I have indicating that students benefit from tools for less stress. For the road rage in particular, studies show that youth are particularly prone to road rage.
However, I don’t want to trust what I already know about young people. On the Intentional Insights Advisory Board, we have the leader of the Secular Student Alliance, a national organization that has over 300 student clubs as affiliates around the country. We are working with them to bring rationality content to a young audience. So I’ll run the article by them and see what they think.
The questions at the end are aimed to get people to think about the material and leave comments, it’s worked well in our past blogs, but I’ll keep an eye on this and experiment, thanks for pointing it out!
First, I don’t like the image at the top of the page. Knowing about map-territory I can see what it’s trying to say, but without that knowledge it basically looks Masonic. I found the images in this post to be far more evocative (obviously a lot more work was put into them, but it could be inspiration).
Second, I feel that the article is not speaking to the needs of the audience that well. You say that this is targeted to youth and young adults, so I’m going to assume this will mostly be high school and college student age ranges. Consider this:
When I was at that stage of my life, I wasn’t looking for peace and calm, or to reduce my stress levels (in fact, being humble in high school and college is maladaptive, and many/most people who read Less Wrong needed more confidence, not more humility, and this probably applies to other people who would read rationality literature). I think people don’t realize those things are worthwhile when they are that young, so they aren’t emotionally resonant.
I also think the car metaphors aren’t great for targeting this age group. Many people in high school and college don’t drive very frequently, so they haven’t had time to reflect on the feelings of road rage very deeply. Most of them haven’t had a long daily commute, for example, even if they drive the likely short distance to school.
Part of what makes the sequences appealing is that they tell you that you can be awesome, and they give the impression that you’re learning things that no one else knows. Of course, if the sequences were enough then we could just point everyone at them, but it’s probably worthwhile to have learning materials that covers more niches. That said, my impression on reading this article is that it’s just pretty “milquetoast” and I wouldn’t go out of my way to read more articles of this type. I think more concrete, evocative examples of how understanding the fundamental attribution error has improved your life could make it better. As it is the only examples are extremely broad generalities.
This is a great start, and I found the actual explanation clear, I just think it needs reworking, or perhaps you just need more practice writing to find your “voice.”
Edit: I also don’t think that combining map-territory and fundamental attribution error the way it is here really works for me. The connection between the two requires more explanation than it’s given. I don’t think you can assume people will follow the links to internalize the full picture. And as a sidenote, I am also not in love with the idea of putting a bunch of questions at the end of the article. Makes it seem like a textbook, and if people are actually going to engage with the questions (which is very difficult to get people to do without explaining the benefits of such) then they should probably be sprinkled throughout.
Appreciate the constructive criticism, thank you!
Regarding the car and stress examples, I used them a number of times in presenting this material to college students (I am a professor at Ohio State), such as in this video. I got pretty good feedback from students about them. For example, one student wrote in an anonymous feedback form “”I really enjoyed the workshop. It helped me to see some of the problems I may be employing in my thinking about life and other people… Something I gained from this workshop are tools to help me be a less stressed-out person.” This is one of several data points I have indicating that students benefit from tools for less stress. For the road rage in particular, studies show that youth are particularly prone to road rage.
However, I don’t want to trust what I already know about young people. On the Intentional Insights Advisory Board, we have the leader of the Secular Student Alliance, a national organization that has over 300 student clubs as affiliates around the country. We are working with them to bring rationality content to a young audience. So I’ll run the article by them and see what they think.
The questions at the end are aimed to get people to think about the material and leave comments, it’s worked well in our past blogs, but I’ll keep an eye on this and experiment, thanks for pointing it out!