Sometimes I find myself feeling frustrated with other people when they hold moral views that seem to me obviously misguided and even atrocious. “That’s terrible!” I think to myself. “How can someone have such a backwards or barbaric opinion?” Examples abound, whether the issue is religious fundamentalism or social conservatism or willingness to increase suffering in order to create additional happiness.
There is a famous, alas almost platitudinous, quotation from To Kill a Mockingbird in which Atticus says “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view . . . until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” I find this really helps in the case of moral disagreement. As much as I may not see eye to eye with someone, I can, for a second, imagine myself as that person—complete with his/her memories, neural wiring, and emotions. That person grew up with certain genes, was socialized in a certain environment, and has developed certain reactions. If I were that person, I can see how I would take exactly the same actions and hold exactly the same sentiments. This gives me a sense of humility and compassion, because I can realize that, “Oh yeah, this person is just executing his/her motivational drives the way I am. It’s sad that we disagree, but we’re both fundamentally in the same spot—doing what we’re wired to do.”
Such “intrapsychic” strategies seldom work for me, however. I find the “extrapsychic” approach of just avoiding irritating people much more effective. (This may require terminating a relationship which, if maintained, would expose you to such people on a regular basis.)
Brian Tomasik gives some tips in a recent essay:
Such “intrapsychic” strategies seldom work for me, however. I find the “extrapsychic” approach of just avoiding irritating people much more effective. (This may require terminating a relationship which, if maintained, would expose you to such people on a regular basis.)