Very interesting post! I enjoyed it!
Just had some thoughts about the poly section.
If you are polyamorous, and you meet someone plausibly 25% better, or even someone 0% better (I mean the person you are with is pretty good, no?) you are honor bound to try and make it happen.
I’m not sure why you’d be honour bound to make that work. Maybe the phrasing is just being hyperbolic but I don’t think refraining from pursuing a romantic relationship damages your poly honour.
Most people are not hyper-skilled in anything. Certainly they are not hyper-skilled in communication, emotional regulation and self-awareness.
If you define “hyper-skilled” as “way more skilled than average” then what you’re saying is true by definition. If its not defined relative to everyone else in a given culture, I think you can certainly say most people are hyper skilled at communication, emotional regulation and self-awareness in ways which their culture requires of them.
For example, most people in highly religious/authoritarian cultures are adept at those social skills which prevent them from being ostracized and condemned. Not reacting violently to insults would be considered hyper skilled in some cultures whereas it’s the minimum in others.
With that In mind I don’t think polyamory is as unrealistic or as demanding in its requirements as you make it out to be. People tend to become hyper skilled socially when it’s a requirement for what they’re doing, and when it’s normalized within their culture. If other structures are in place to replace the requirement for those particular skills, they won’t develop.
Polyamory probability selects for people who are socially skilled in the ways that help with polyamory, but being polyamorous also helps to develop those skills.
I think it’s fair to say that for many or most people it would be too costly to try to switch from monogamy towards polyamory when they’ve already been highly invested in developing their monogamy toolbox. I think that’s very different from saying only a small percentage of people have the capacity/potential to flourish being poly.
Scott then follows up with a highlights from the comments, where the arguments against polyamory seem convincing
I read most of the comments and I think pretty much all of the arguments against polyamory are coming from monogamous people with very limited/no experience with polyamory or polyamorous people. Not to say that discredits their arguments, but I’m typically pretty sceptical of arguments about lifestyles that are widely considered distasteful, coming from people who are far removed from those lifestyles, based on a couple anecdotes, if any.
Monogamous people are also already having way fewer children, and the type of person deciding to be polyamorous probably correlates pretty strongly with the type of person already deciding not to have kids. I don’t think there’s really good arguments that kids of poly people will be worse off, most of those arguments refer to practices which aren’t essential to being Poly. Many of the arguments appeal to reference classes that aren’t particularly applicable to a scenario where things are being done with care intentionally as opposed to as a result of scarcity, neglect, and unforseen challenging circumstances.
Very interesting post! I enjoyed it! Just had some thoughts about the poly section.
I’m not sure why you’d be honour bound to make that work. Maybe the phrasing is just being hyperbolic but I don’t think refraining from pursuing a romantic relationship damages your poly honour.
If you define “hyper-skilled” as “way more skilled than average” then what you’re saying is true by definition. If its not defined relative to everyone else in a given culture, I think you can certainly say most people are hyper skilled at communication, emotional regulation and self-awareness in ways which their culture requires of them.
For example, most people in highly religious/authoritarian cultures are adept at those social skills which prevent them from being ostracized and condemned. Not reacting violently to insults would be considered hyper skilled in some cultures whereas it’s the minimum in others.
With that In mind I don’t think polyamory is as unrealistic or as demanding in its requirements as you make it out to be. People tend to become hyper skilled socially when it’s a requirement for what they’re doing, and when it’s normalized within their culture. If other structures are in place to replace the requirement for those particular skills, they won’t develop.
Polyamory probability selects for people who are socially skilled in the ways that help with polyamory, but being polyamorous also helps to develop those skills.
I think it’s fair to say that for many or most people it would be too costly to try to switch from monogamy towards polyamory when they’ve already been highly invested in developing their monogamy toolbox. I think that’s very different from saying only a small percentage of people have the capacity/potential to flourish being poly.
I read most of the comments and I think pretty much all of the arguments against polyamory are coming from monogamous people with very limited/no experience with polyamory or polyamorous people. Not to say that discredits their arguments, but I’m typically pretty sceptical of arguments about lifestyles that are widely considered distasteful, coming from people who are far removed from those lifestyles, based on a couple anecdotes, if any.
Monogamous people are also already having way fewer children, and the type of person deciding to be polyamorous probably correlates pretty strongly with the type of person already deciding not to have kids. I don’t think there’s really good arguments that kids of poly people will be worse off, most of those arguments refer to practices which aren’t essential to being Poly. Many of the arguments appeal to reference classes that aren’t particularly applicable to a scenario where things are being done with care intentionally as opposed to as a result of scarcity, neglect, and unforseen challenging circumstances.