First, the technique: I don’t see a problem with the BFD. One who is satisfied cannot be seduced. The other man loses, but any success in romance is necessarily a loss for one’s competitors. (There’s even a reminder that cheating on her while she’s still dating the guy could hurt him deeply.)
Which makes me somewhat skeptical about the attitudes: I expect the prevalence of misogyny in the PUA is far above what I’d like it to be. But from everything I’ve seen, most of their rancor is pointed at the guys they feel superior to, not their targets. That they’ve attempted to put women under a microscope and figure out what they respond best to seems like it will make them interact with women better. A general improvement in the game of men should also correspond to a general improvement in the lives of women, as relationship satisfaction will increase.
That is, could this be base rate neglect? It’s unfortunate, but a lot of men are misogynists.
Erm, this statement is clearly false as soon as you reflect on it?
Personally, if I was going to come up with a clever rationalization for BFDs, it would be something like, “Any boyfriend who keeps her locked up in a closed relationship must clearly be a patriarchal bastard.”
Personally, if I was going to come up with a clever rationalization for BFDs, it would be something like, “Any boyfriend who keeps her locked up in a closed relationship must clearly be a patriarchal bastard.”
Only allowed if the BFD actually personally uses that justification in the course of persuading a woman to leave her boyfriend for him.
Erm, this statement is clearly false as soon as you reflect on it?
Are you skilled at either seduction or being satisfied?
I have reflected upon it, and it still seems to me to be true. Perhaps rewording it will reveal our disagreement; what do you think of “Satisfaction is the best defense against seduction”?
First, the technique: I don’t see a problem with the BFD. One who is satisfied cannot be seduced. The other man loses, but any success in romance is necessarily a loss for one’s competitors. (There’s even a reminder that cheating on her while she’s still dating the guy could hurt him deeply.)
As they say, ‘all is fair in love and war’. There is a lot to that sentiment and there is only so much use in judging people for acting in self interest in an inherently self interested game. But do you know another thing that has traditionally been fair in love and war? Killing anyone who is a clear threat to your territory. So challenging these guys to duels to the death isn’t legal any more but this is certainly a behavior that I would want to see prevented by cooperative collective punishment if it is possible. Because I don’t want that crap anywhere near me.
(Note: I make no distinction as to whether the perpetrators learned BFDs explicitly, whether they are naturally inclined that way or they learned it on ‘desperate housewives’. Or, for that matter, whether it is a male or female doing the aggressive seduction of the non-single target. Although I probably would be squeamish about challenging the girl to a duel to the death.)
One who is satisfied cannot be seduced.
Pffft. Nonsense. They can so. Maybe you just need to spend some more manipulative effort making them feel like they are unsatisfied. Or distracting them from that which was satisfying sufficiently. If you are going to go around seducing women who have boyfriends don’t try to sugar coating it by pretending it always means that the relationship was unsatisfying.
Killing anyone who is a clear threat to your territory.
Hence why one should attempt to induce the girl to break up with her boyfriend, rather than attempt to induce her to cheat on him. As you point out, that has a distressingly high chance of ending in murder.
If you are going to go around seducing women who have boyfriends don’t try to sugar coating it by pretending it always means that the relationship was unsatisfying.
I don’t swing that way. Regardless, I suspect our disagreements about the axiom are definitional. The terrible thing about satisfaction is that it is relative; it seems fair to say that one who willingly ends a relationship does it because it is unsatisfying. If it was made unsatisfying because one put forward a better offer, I have a hard time seeing that as villainous. (If one is fraudulent about the quality of the offer, that fraud is villainous- but that’s a separate issue from the BFD.)
First, the technique: I don’t see a problem with the BFD. One who is satisfied cannot be seduced. The other man loses, but any success in romance is necessarily a loss for one’s competitors. (There’s even a reminder that cheating on her while she’s still dating the guy could hurt him deeply.)
Which makes me somewhat skeptical about the attitudes: I expect the prevalence of misogyny in the PUA is far above what I’d like it to be. But from everything I’ve seen, most of their rancor is pointed at the guys they feel superior to, not their targets. That they’ve attempted to put women under a microscope and figure out what they respond best to seems like it will make them interact with women better. A general improvement in the game of men should also correspond to a general improvement in the lives of women, as relationship satisfaction will increase.
That is, could this be base rate neglect? It’s unfortunate, but a lot of men are misogynists.
Erm, this statement is clearly false as soon as you reflect on it?
Personally, if I was going to come up with a clever rationalization for BFDs, it would be something like, “Any boyfriend who keeps her locked up in a closed relationship must clearly be a patriarchal bastard.”
Only allowed if the BFD actually personally uses that justification in the course of persuading a woman to leave her boyfriend for him.
(’cuz I like the mental image, that’s all.)
Are you skilled at either seduction or being satisfied?
I have reflected upon it, and it still seems to me to be true. Perhaps rewording it will reveal our disagreement; what do you think of “Satisfaction is the best defense against seduction”?
As they say, ‘all is fair in love and war’. There is a lot to that sentiment and there is only so much use in judging people for acting in self interest in an inherently self interested game. But do you know another thing that has traditionally been fair in love and war? Killing anyone who is a clear threat to your territory. So challenging these guys to duels to the death isn’t legal any more but this is certainly a behavior that I would want to see prevented by cooperative collective punishment if it is possible. Because I don’t want that crap anywhere near me.
(Note: I make no distinction as to whether the perpetrators learned BFDs explicitly, whether they are naturally inclined that way or they learned it on ‘desperate housewives’. Or, for that matter, whether it is a male or female doing the aggressive seduction of the non-single target. Although I probably would be squeamish about challenging the girl to a duel to the death.)
Pffft. Nonsense. They can so. Maybe you just need to spend some more manipulative effort making them feel like they are unsatisfied. Or distracting them from that which was satisfying sufficiently. If you are going to go around seducing women who have boyfriends don’t try to sugar coating it by pretending it always means that the relationship was unsatisfying.
Hence why one should attempt to induce the girl to break up with her boyfriend, rather than attempt to induce her to cheat on him. As you point out, that has a distressingly high chance of ending in murder.
I don’t swing that way. Regardless, I suspect our disagreements about the axiom are definitional. The terrible thing about satisfaction is that it is relative; it seems fair to say that one who willingly ends a relationship does it because it is unsatisfying. If it was made unsatisfying because one put forward a better offer, I have a hard time seeing that as villainous. (If one is fraudulent about the quality of the offer, that fraud is villainous- but that’s a separate issue from the BFD.)