Let’s assume for the sake of discussion that more pain is bad, and less pain is good. (You already seem to be assuming this, which is fine, I just want to make it explicit.)
Most of these examples are cases of evaluating which available option results in less pain, and endorsing that option. This seems straightforward enough given that assumption.
The example of breaking up with someone is not clearly a case of that, which sounds like the reason you tie yourself in knots trying to account for it.
So, OK… let me approach that example from another direction. If I suffer mildly by staying with my partner, and my partner suffers massively by my leaving him, and the only rule we have is “more suffering is worse than less suffering,” then it follows that I should stay with my partner.
Would you endorse that conclusion?
If not, would you therefore agree that we need more than just that one rule?
Suffering mildly by staying one a person is one thing—but what I had in mind while thinking of that example is that breaking up is painful, but over quickly—whereas staying on in a relationship that isn’t working is bad for both partners—not just the one leaving. - and lasts for a long time (probably decades if you keep at it).
The one that would be “happy if you just suffered quietly a little” can also be not as happy as they would be if the relationship ended and they found somebody that really wanted to be with them. oh, and it isn’t always just a little suffering involved for the wanting-to-leave partner. Plus the factor that perhaps the one wanting to leave may be wanting to make a third person happy…
Of course, if it’s just a small inconvenience to one person—then I wouldn’t advocate breaking up at all. Relationships are “about” compromise on the small things to gain over the long term.
Obviously it all depends on circumstance and we cannot make a single rule to fit all possible permutations...
This really does seem unnecessarily complicated.
Let’s assume for the sake of discussion that more pain is bad, and less pain is good. (You already seem to be assuming this, which is fine, I just want to make it explicit.)
Most of these examples are cases of evaluating which available option results in less pain, and endorsing that option. This seems straightforward enough given that assumption.
The example of breaking up with someone is not clearly a case of that, which sounds like the reason you tie yourself in knots trying to account for it.
So, OK… let me approach that example from another direction. If I suffer mildly by staying with my partner, and my partner suffers massively by my leaving him, and the only rule we have is “more suffering is worse than less suffering,” then it follows that I should stay with my partner.
Would you endorse that conclusion?
If not, would you therefore agree that we need more than just that one rule?
We certainly need more than just one rule. :)
Less pain frequently seems better than more pain.
Suffering mildly by staying one a person is one thing—but what I had in mind while thinking of that example is that breaking up is painful, but over quickly—whereas staying on in a relationship that isn’t working is bad for both partners—not just the one leaving. - and lasts for a long time (probably decades if you keep at it).
The one that would be “happy if you just suffered quietly a little” can also be not as happy as they would be if the relationship ended and they found somebody that really wanted to be with them. oh, and it isn’t always just a little suffering involved for the wanting-to-leave partner. Plus the factor that perhaps the one wanting to leave may be wanting to make a third person happy…
Of course, if it’s just a small inconvenience to one person—then I wouldn’t advocate breaking up at all. Relationships are “about” compromise on the small things to gain over the long term.
Obviously it all depends on circumstance and we cannot make a single rule to fit all possible permutations...