One hint is to not behave like you are higher-status than they believe you to be.
This is a very good idea I wish I were able to follow more often. And since I am not good at learning social skills by copying, an explicit training could be useful.
To be precise, “not behaving higher-status” is relatively easy. The difficult part is to explain an idea contradicting some high-status belief while behaving so. I know it can be done, because I have seen people doing it, but it is so high above my current skill level.
To be precise, “not behaving higher-status” is relatively easy.
The point isn’t to never behave in a higher-status matter. If a non-tech person asks you what’s wrong with their computer and they know you are a programmer they believe that you have status as far as computer related issues go.
When people behave as if they are lower status then they are believed to be that’s also bad. Nobody likes to sit in a lecture by a teacher who thinks he’s lower status than his students.
The relevant social skill is to understand what other people expect from you. If they expect you to help them fix one of their problems the allocate you usually the kind of status that they think you would need for helping them solve their issue.
Personally while attempting to contradict a higher-status belief I readjust my goals. Rather than completely convince my audience I try to create some doubt that the higher-status belief might be wrong. I have found that effective ways to do this is by using sentences like “I am not sure either, but what about...” or “Hmm, but what would then happen if..?”, this way not only does the audience think that they are the ones coming up with the conflicting ideas (instantly boosting their confidence in it) but also it doesn’t look like you are actively challenging anything’s status but rather are a confused ally, putting the audience on “your side”.
Of course the drawbacks are that this can be done only so often or people will start to think you don’t know anything at all and sometimes your audience cannot come up with your answers to the questions (‘derailing’ the conversation). But as a general rule I try not to tear down high-status ideas from a low-status position—why pick a hard fight when you can also split it into two easy fights.
This is a very good idea I wish I were able to follow more often. And since I am not good at learning social skills by copying, an explicit training could be useful.
To be precise, “not behaving higher-status” is relatively easy. The difficult part is to explain an idea contradicting some high-status belief while behaving so. I know it can be done, because I have seen people doing it, but it is so high above my current skill level.
The point isn’t to never behave in a higher-status matter. If a non-tech person asks you what’s wrong with their computer and they know you are a programmer they believe that you have status as far as computer related issues go.
When people behave as if they are lower status then they are believed to be that’s also bad. Nobody likes to sit in a lecture by a teacher who thinks he’s lower status than his students.
The relevant social skill is to understand what other people expect from you. If they expect you to help them fix one of their problems the allocate you usually the kind of status that they think you would need for helping them solve their issue.
Personally while attempting to contradict a higher-status belief I readjust my goals. Rather than completely convince my audience I try to create some doubt that the higher-status belief might be wrong. I have found that effective ways to do this is by using sentences like “I am not sure either, but what about...” or “Hmm, but what would then happen if..?”, this way not only does the audience think that they are the ones coming up with the conflicting ideas (instantly boosting their confidence in it) but also it doesn’t look like you are actively challenging anything’s status but rather are a confused ally, putting the audience on “your side”.
Of course the drawbacks are that this can be done only so often or people will start to think you don’t know anything at all and sometimes your audience cannot come up with your answers to the questions (‘derailing’ the conversation). But as a general rule I try not to tear down high-status ideas from a low-status position—why pick a hard fight when you can also split it into two easy fights.