Note, when speaking of risk, I don’t only mean big things. I more generally mean—proceeding even when there is a space of uncertainty.
In other questions, I’ve noticed you’ve covered what is called “ask vs guess culture”. When we have to ask someone before we can do something, often what bothers us is not the asking, but the potential of hearing a no.
But is hearing a no such a bad thing? Is having to negotiate a boundary such a bad thing? I think one often too strongly assumes that people will answer no.
If one looks into “rejection therapy”, there are many videos of someone experimenting with asking people for things—like, the person goes to a store that cuts and washes the hair of dogs and cats, and he asks the people at the counter if they can cut his hair.
They take it in great humor and laugh, and then say no.
In another, the person asks a stranger if they can play soccer in the stranger’s backyard. This complete stranger says yes!
The person continues to ask many weird and wonderful things, and gets a variety of different rejections and approvals. And I’d say that this process of rejection therapy was one of the person “optimizing” their own sense of becoming comfortable with asking for what is wanted, and comfortable with the potential for rejection.
A recent book, “The Courage To Be Disliked” covers a very similar thing.
To have the courage to take risks, and become comfortable with rejection and boundaries is to have the courage to be one’s own separate self, with one’s own separate boundaries.
Freedom is not only being free from the boundaries of others.
To be free also means to be able to deploy and retract one’s own boundaries. Even when there is a risk that others do not like them.
Note, when speaking of risk, I don’t only mean big things. I more generally mean—proceeding even when there is a space of uncertainty.
In other questions, I’ve noticed you’ve covered what is called “ask vs guess culture”. When we have to ask someone before we can do something, often what bothers us is not the asking, but the potential of hearing a no.
But is hearing a no such a bad thing? Is having to negotiate a boundary such a bad thing? I think one often too strongly assumes that people will answer no.
If one looks into “rejection therapy”, there are many videos of someone experimenting with asking people for things—like, the person goes to a store that cuts and washes the hair of dogs and cats, and he asks the people at the counter if they can cut his hair.
They take it in great humor and laugh, and then say no.
In another, the person asks a stranger if they can play soccer in the stranger’s backyard. This complete stranger says yes!
The person continues to ask many weird and wonderful things, and gets a variety of different rejections and approvals. And I’d say that this process of rejection therapy was one of the person “optimizing” their own sense of becoming comfortable with asking for what is wanted, and comfortable with the potential for rejection.
A recent book, “The Courage To Be Disliked” covers a very similar thing.
To have the courage to take risks, and become comfortable with rejection and boundaries is to have the courage to be one’s own separate self, with one’s own separate boundaries.
Freedom is not only being free from the boundaries of others.
To be free also means to be able to deploy and retract one’s own boundaries. Even when there is a risk that others do not like them.