There are several reasons why you might want a community norm that accommodates people whom you wouldn’t want to be friends with, most notably because your friends might have a different opinion on what traits make a good friend.
I don’t think that’s true, as long as you both agree on what *your* friendship is about. For example, I am significantly more tolerant than many of my friends of friends who disagree with me politically. I can respect that they find political arguments stressful, and they can respect that I don’t think isolating people from disagreement is a good method of getting them to change their minds. This does not cause any particular stress on our friendship.
In general, I think it is okay to care about different things in your relationships than the people you’re having relationships with do, as long as everyone is on the same page and has mutual respect for their differences.
There are several reasons why you might want a community norm that accommodates people whom you wouldn’t want to be friends with, most notably because your friends might have a different opinion on what traits make a good friend.
Such differences of opinion, if they are anything more than minor, lead to bad outcomes. I don’t recommend having them.
My policy of “be friends only with people who agree with me on what constitutes friendship” has served me very well. I recommend it heartily.
I don’t think that’s true, as long as you both agree on what *your* friendship is about. For example, I am significantly more tolerant than many of my friends of friends who disagree with me politically. I can respect that they find political arguments stressful, and they can respect that I don’t think isolating people from disagreement is a good method of getting them to change their minds. This does not cause any particular stress on our friendship.
In general, I think it is okay to care about different things in your relationships than the people you’re having relationships with do, as long as everyone is on the same page and has mutual respect for their differences.