Any thoughts on how women can distinguish early between “good guy in charge” vs. “bad guy bullying” vs. “average guy who’s taking excessive advantage”?
Good guy in charge would find some way to get her needs met. Just not liking the ocean shouldn’t count—dude’s not being much of a man, there. At the very least, he shouldn’t have a problem with her going.
Drawing the line between “bullying” and “co-dependent” is tough, though. There’ve been times in the past where my wife wanted to do something that I didn’t, but she didn’t want to go if I didn’t want to come. (If I’d truly been taking charge at the time, I’d have gone with her, or helped her get the need met in some other way.)
Who do you blame when both people in a relationship are dysfunctional? Most of the time, people end up in long-term relationships with partners who have complementary dysfunctions.
I’d say that people in general should focus on getting rid of as many of their own dysfunctions as they can—a functional person isn’t going to get trapped by a bully or in their own co-dependence, and will rapidly ditch someone who doesn’t fit.
(I’m reminded of an early relationship of mine, when I was about 20, with a woman almost twice my age. I was infatuated, but I didn’t have the same emotional maturity she did. She broke it off because the relationship wasn’t [emotionally, long-term] good for her, no matter how much she enjoyed our good times. Someone with a level of dysfunction closer to mine or more complementary to mine would’ve been stuck with me, expecting that things were supposed to be that way.)
Good guy in charge would find some way to get her needs met. Just not liking the ocean shouldn’t count—dude’s not being much of a man, there. At the very least, he shouldn’t have a problem with her going.
Drawing the line between “bullying” and “co-dependent” is tough, though. There’ve been times in the past where my wife wanted to do something that I didn’t, but she didn’t want to go if I didn’t want to come. (If I’d truly been taking charge at the time, I’d have gone with her, or helped her get the need met in some other way.)
Who do you blame when both people in a relationship are dysfunctional? Most of the time, people end up in long-term relationships with partners who have complementary dysfunctions.
I’d say that people in general should focus on getting rid of as many of their own dysfunctions as they can—a functional person isn’t going to get trapped by a bully or in their own co-dependence, and will rapidly ditch someone who doesn’t fit.
(I’m reminded of an early relationship of mine, when I was about 20, with a woman almost twice my age. I was infatuated, but I didn’t have the same emotional maturity she did. She broke it off because the relationship wasn’t [emotionally, long-term] good for her, no matter how much she enjoyed our good times. Someone with a level of dysfunction closer to mine or more complementary to mine would’ve been stuck with me, expecting that things were supposed to be that way.)