Did you come to these realizations by thinking about philosophy, or by some other means?
Having the philsophy there in the background helped, but only in as much as it allowed me to better guide the emotional development that was happening at a more instinctive level. More to the point it allowed me to develop an alternative to the bullshit philosophy that was taught to me as a child. Since my hypocrisy muscles are weak that deveopment is vital.
Let me be clear that some of the thinking that prevents healthy emotional development is that same thinking that would condemn PUA. You may disapprove.
If it was by thinking about philosophy, how did you make the transition from abstraction to emotional change?
Swearing helped. Seriously. But that is me. I am male and all that testosterone pumping around in my blood makes a huge difference in how I go about emotional change. I also never lacked for what I’ll call ‘righteous anger’, for lack of a better term. I could always get angry, and proactively so, with both bullying and bullshit. What needed to change was the suppression of selfish anger. The ‘turn the other cheek’, ‘unconditional love’, ‘humility’ kind of stuff. Since realising that is the sort of thing is actually bullshit used to bully people into compliance it qualified as a trigger for the outrage that I already gave myself permission to have. From there the process of expunging the undesired emotional habits was just a matter of time, counselling, hours in the gym and some martial arts practice.
Your path is probably a different one to mine. I could tell you to watch ‘Gladiator’ and ‘Fight Club’ a half dozen times each but that is more of a male-typical approach.
The recent thing which convinced me I have a problem is that area was feeling very upset for maybe half an hour for slamming the phone on a fundraiser whose project I strongly disagree with.
It wouldn’t have been awful if I’d said no thank you and hung up. It wouldn’t have been crazy to lay out my point of view a little. But I didn’t owe him a goddamned thing, and I don’t think it made sense for me to beat up on myself for showing some spontaneous anger.
I’ve seen Fight Club—it seemed like such an unhappy movie that I’m amazed it was inspirational for anyone. On the other hand, it’s been a while. Did the Fight Clubs actually make those guys’ lives better?
Would it help explain the PUA thing if I tell you that one of the things I need to work on is not being too concerned for guys’ feelings if I turn them down?
Would it help explain the PUA thing if I tell you that one of the things I need to work on is not being too concerned for guys’ feelings if I turn them down?
It does, and to be honest that (with girls’ substituted) is still not a strength of mine either. I do it because I must, for my sake and theirs (if I couldn’t say ‘no’ then I clearly couldn’t say ‘yes’ to monogamy or even bigamy!) But it takes effort.
The ironic thing is that PUA tactics are optimised for girls with strong boundaries in that area. That is, most of the techniques suggested are ones for dealing with the fact that attractive, highly socialised girls are habitually biased towards rejecting rather than reverse. (Even so, I can understand your wariness.)
Having the philsophy there in the background helped, but only in as much as it allowed me to better guide the emotional development that was happening at a more instinctive level. More to the point it allowed me to develop an alternative to the bullshit philosophy that was taught to me as a child. Since my hypocrisy muscles are weak that deveopment is vital.
Let me be clear that some of the thinking that prevents healthy emotional development is that same thinking that would condemn PUA. You may disapprove.
Swearing helped. Seriously. But that is me. I am male and all that testosterone pumping around in my blood makes a huge difference in how I go about emotional change. I also never lacked for what I’ll call ‘righteous anger’, for lack of a better term. I could always get angry, and proactively so, with both bullying and bullshit. What needed to change was the suppression of selfish anger. The ‘turn the other cheek’, ‘unconditional love’, ‘humility’ kind of stuff. Since realising that is the sort of thing is actually bullshit used to bully people into compliance it qualified as a trigger for the outrage that I already gave myself permission to have. From there the process of expunging the undesired emotional habits was just a matter of time, counselling, hours in the gym and some martial arts practice.
Your path is probably a different one to mine. I could tell you to watch ‘Gladiator’ and ‘Fight Club’ a half dozen times each but that is more of a male-typical approach.
Indeed. I’m already capable of swearing.
The recent thing which convinced me I have a problem is that area was feeling very upset for maybe half an hour for slamming the phone on a fundraiser whose project I strongly disagree with.
It wouldn’t have been awful if I’d said no thank you and hung up. It wouldn’t have been crazy to lay out my point of view a little. But I didn’t owe him a goddamned thing, and I don’t think it made sense for me to beat up on myself for showing some spontaneous anger.
I’ve seen Fight Club—it seemed like such an unhappy movie that I’m amazed it was inspirational for anyone. On the other hand, it’s been a while. Did the Fight Clubs actually make those guys’ lives better?
Would it help explain the PUA thing if I tell you that one of the things I need to work on is not being too concerned for guys’ feelings if I turn them down?
It does, and to be honest that (with girls’ substituted) is still not a strength of mine either. I do it because I must, for my sake and theirs (if I couldn’t say ‘no’ then I clearly couldn’t say ‘yes’ to monogamy or even bigamy!) But it takes effort.
The ironic thing is that PUA tactics are optimised for girls with strong boundaries in that area. That is, most of the techniques suggested are ones for dealing with the fact that attractive, highly socialised girls are habitually biased towards rejecting rather than reverse. (Even so, I can understand your wariness.)
I’m strongly biased towards being nice or not giving a clear no, not towards accepting.