but most of the sites I can find are all about sequences, “running game”, tricks, mind games, strategies, etc.
Yeah, I don’t read most of those sites. As I said, it certainly can be considered selection or availability bias on my part.
However, that being said, I must reject the idea that “PUA is bad” because some or even most PUA are bad. If most women have some disliked property X, it would be just as wrong for me to attribute property X to “women”.
So many of the websites I am seeing talk about women as though they’re objects, not people—and simplistic, easily hackable objects at that. Press button X, the man is assured, and she is likely to respond with Y.
Seriously, doesn’t virtually every book in the “relationships” section of a bookstore (not to mention Cosmo) do just the same with men?
If one of those books says, “Men need X in order to give you Y, so be sure to give them X”, how is this actually any different?
In truth, it isn’t. Many men prefer to use language that sounds like they have control or mastery over a situation, and many women prefer language that sounds like they are caring or giving in the same situation.
And, this language difference is independent of the person’s behavior. There are women who can read that relationship book and use what they find to make men miserable, and those who want to know because they care.
Same thing with men: there are those who learn PUA to get back at women and society, and there are those who genuinely want to relate better. And for the latter men, the language may or may not be a barrier. I personally relate better to materials that are about “this is what she needs/wants” rather than “this is what button to push”, but usually even the button-pushers (among the professional trainers) will include some info about the need/want side of things.
The Mystery Method for example explicitly advises stimulating positive AND negative emotions in a woman, specifically jealousy and frustration, because that makes her emotionally vulnerable to male advances! Do you agree this is highly objectionable?
My impression is that the jealousy and frustration here is very mild, on a very playful level. After all, we are talking about two people who’ve just met a few minutes ago. If someone experiences real jealousy or frustration from a few minutes of Mystery’s antics, I suspect they would not be able to handle a normal relationship very well… and not just with him!
For the rest of your comment, I think HughRistik has done a good job of addressing your points. The touch issue, for example, falls under the heading of, “so… it’s okay if somebody does it without thinking, but if they do it on purpose, it’s somehow bad?” And likewise, if we are not to have any artifice at all, then should we all go out to the clubs unwashed and unkempt, since that’s what we look like when we get out of bed in the morning?
And there isn’t a single one of these things that isn’t matched in one way or another by the advice given to women. Heck, the Double Your Dating guy actually has a product out now for women called “Catch Him And Keep Him”, for women to game men with.
Heck, you want to talk about mind hacking… the marketing for Catch Him and Keep Him has far, far more female mind hacking in it than any PUA material I have ever seen. Fortunately for you, it will probably not work on a female rationalist who isn’t insecure about relationships—it is specifically targeted at typical fears and insecurities about men.
Of course, that gets back to the question: if you make something that will actually help that insecure woman, is it “evil mind hacking” to tell her what you have and what it will do for her?
And if a guy actually has good qualities, is it wrong for him to advertise them?
More to the point, if the thing a woman happens to want from a guy is a positive experience, then how is it manipulation for him to give her that positive experience, whatever it consists of? Confidence, touch… or even jealousy, intrigue, and drama.
(To say that “a lot of women like drama” would be an understatement of both “a lot” and “like”.)
Yeah, I don’t read most of those sites. As I said, it certainly can be considered selection or availability bias on my part.
However, that being said, I must reject the idea that “PUA is bad” because some or even most PUA are bad. If most women have some disliked property X, it would be just as wrong for me to attribute property X to “women”.
Seriously, doesn’t virtually every book in the “relationships” section of a bookstore (not to mention Cosmo) do just the same with men?
If one of those books says, “Men need X in order to give you Y, so be sure to give them X”, how is this actually any different?
In truth, it isn’t. Many men prefer to use language that sounds like they have control or mastery over a situation, and many women prefer language that sounds like they are caring or giving in the same situation.
And, this language difference is independent of the person’s behavior. There are women who can read that relationship book and use what they find to make men miserable, and those who want to know because they care.
Same thing with men: there are those who learn PUA to get back at women and society, and there are those who genuinely want to relate better. And for the latter men, the language may or may not be a barrier. I personally relate better to materials that are about “this is what she needs/wants” rather than “this is what button to push”, but usually even the button-pushers (among the professional trainers) will include some info about the need/want side of things.
My impression is that the jealousy and frustration here is very mild, on a very playful level. After all, we are talking about two people who’ve just met a few minutes ago. If someone experiences real jealousy or frustration from a few minutes of Mystery’s antics, I suspect they would not be able to handle a normal relationship very well… and not just with him!
For the rest of your comment, I think HughRistik has done a good job of addressing your points. The touch issue, for example, falls under the heading of, “so… it’s okay if somebody does it without thinking, but if they do it on purpose, it’s somehow bad?” And likewise, if we are not to have any artifice at all, then should we all go out to the clubs unwashed and unkempt, since that’s what we look like when we get out of bed in the morning?
And there isn’t a single one of these things that isn’t matched in one way or another by the advice given to women. Heck, the Double Your Dating guy actually has a product out now for women called “Catch Him And Keep Him”, for women to game men with.
Heck, you want to talk about mind hacking… the marketing for Catch Him and Keep Him has far, far more female mind hacking in it than any PUA material I have ever seen. Fortunately for you, it will probably not work on a female rationalist who isn’t insecure about relationships—it is specifically targeted at typical fears and insecurities about men.
Of course, that gets back to the question: if you make something that will actually help that insecure woman, is it “evil mind hacking” to tell her what you have and what it will do for her?
And if a guy actually has good qualities, is it wrong for him to advertise them?
More to the point, if the thing a woman happens to want from a guy is a positive experience, then how is it manipulation for him to give her that positive experience, whatever it consists of? Confidence, touch… or even jealousy, intrigue, and drama.
(To say that “a lot of women like drama” would be an understatement of both “a lot” and “like”.)