I just gave essentially the exact same advice, but in a harder-to-object to form. Most women I know would not only agree with the correctness of this advice, but would express their wish that more guys understood these things, and advocate educating men in this fashion—since it emphasizes the benefits of these behaviors for women. (i.e., confidence, relatability, and independence)
I mention this explicitly because I think this actually renders your wording importantly different from SilasBarta’s. In the specific context of men-seeking-women that this advice was written for, a man who lies about what times he’s free can make himself seem scarce and unavailable, whereas a man who actually has a crowded schedule will seem scarce and unavailable … but only the latter has (or might have) the actual desired property.
Yep, that pretty much sums it up. Higher-status PU gurus advocate approaching G as much as possible, rather than faking G*. It’s easier and more beneficial to your life to have more of a “life”, than it is to fake having one in order to play hard to get. It’s also substantially more beneficial to actually be confident, than to learn a zillion and one tiny behaviors that signal confidence, etc.
I mention this explicitly because I think this actually renders your wording importantly different from SilasBarta’s. In the specific context of men-seeking-women that this advice was written for, a man who lies about what times he’s free can make himself seem scarce and unavailable, whereas a man who actually has a crowded schedule will seem scarce and unavailable … but only the latter has (or might have) the actual desired property.
That’s only true if you view unavailability as a positive, rather than over-availability as a negative. A man who can simply avoid doing things that turn women off is still far ahead of the average man in attractiveness, regardless of the reasons or means by which he avoids doing those things.
As it happens, unavailability is one of those characteristics women may deny finding attractive, because it’s not actually enjoyable. (Note that we often behave as if we “want” things we don’t actually like “having”.) Yet, over-availability is a negative criterion that women don’t deny is unattractive.
It seems, though, that the thing that makes something “manipulative” or “deceitful” is whether the behavior is described in terms of things the subject agrees he or she would like, using “far” language, or things the “manipulator” would like, in “near” language.
The objectionable PUA advice is very specific “near” instruction about how to behave in such a way as to meet the PUA’s goals; my version was a mostly “far” description of “what women like/dislike”. Similarly, I could take “The Rules” and attempt to recast them in a positive-to-men light, by saying that men don’t want to be in a relationship with women who are clingy, desperate, or might be sleeping with other men… so if you’re looking for a man who wants a relationship, do these things to avoid putting them off.
(Of course, the truth is that both the Game and the Rules are pushing evolutionary buttons in the opposite sex that can hijack conscious intentions, AND contain elements that are consciously considered desirable. The “hijacking” elements tend to be seen as objectionable no matter which sex is targeted.)
In other words, you listed G as well as G*.
I mention this explicitly because I think this actually renders your wording importantly different from SilasBarta’s. In the specific context of men-seeking-women that this advice was written for, a man who lies about what times he’s free can make himself seem scarce and unavailable, whereas a man who actually has a crowded schedule will seem scarce and unavailable … but only the latter has (or might have) the actual desired property.
Yep, that pretty much sums it up. Higher-status PU gurus advocate approaching G as much as possible, rather than faking G*. It’s easier and more beneficial to your life to have more of a “life”, than it is to fake having one in order to play hard to get. It’s also substantially more beneficial to actually be confident, than to learn a zillion and one tiny behaviors that signal confidence, etc.
That’s only true if you view unavailability as a positive, rather than over-availability as a negative. A man who can simply avoid doing things that turn women off is still far ahead of the average man in attractiveness, regardless of the reasons or means by which he avoids doing those things.
As it happens, unavailability is one of those characteristics women may deny finding attractive, because it’s not actually enjoyable. (Note that we often behave as if we “want” things we don’t actually like “having”.) Yet, over-availability is a negative criterion that women don’t deny is unattractive.
It seems, though, that the thing that makes something “manipulative” or “deceitful” is whether the behavior is described in terms of things the subject agrees he or she would like, using “far” language, or things the “manipulator” would like, in “near” language.
The objectionable PUA advice is very specific “near” instruction about how to behave in such a way as to meet the PUA’s goals; my version was a mostly “far” description of “what women like/dislike”. Similarly, I could take “The Rules” and attempt to recast them in a positive-to-men light, by saying that men don’t want to be in a relationship with women who are clingy, desperate, or might be sleeping with other men… so if you’re looking for a man who wants a relationship, do these things to avoid putting them off.
(Of course, the truth is that both the Game and the Rules are pushing evolutionary buttons in the opposite sex that can hijack conscious intentions, AND contain elements that are consciously considered desirable. The “hijacking” elements tend to be seen as objectionable no matter which sex is targeted.)
I don’t think we have any substantive disagreement.