As far as I can tell most people who dislike PUA techniques don’t really understand them.
Most people here don’t understand them because they have this model in their mind that if you treat an attractive woman nicely, try to respect her desires and needs, perhaps compliment her, with the internal attitude that women should be “respected” she will respond in kind by respecting your desire to have sex with her.
They never test this model by going to a bar and trying to use it to achieve the goal of sex with an attractive woman. I know this, because if they had tested it even 3 nights in a row, they would have discarded it as “broken”. I would love to go out into the field with 10 guys from LessWrong and alicorn to coach them, and watch them get rejected time after time by attractive women.
I would write a top level post explaining the techniques, the PUA model of the generic male-female interaction, the predictions it makes, and how you can go out and collect experimental evidence to confirm or disconfirm those predictions, but I think that I would not get promoted (no matter how good the post was from a rational perspective, measured in bits of information it conveys about the world) and not get much karma, because people here just don’t want to hear that truth.
Do PUA techniques withstand the woman’s reflection? Once made aware, do they acknowledge the effectiveness and accurately reaffirm their interest independently of the technique’s effect? If incredulous, is her attention held after a demonstration on another woman?
If the answer is yes, that does a good deal in converting PUA from a (“dirty”) trick (like Fool’s Mate, in chess) into a valid strategy (like Sicilian defense). If you could demonstrate valid strategies, you’d get a lot more karma out of the effort.
For PUA styles described as “inner”, “direct” or “natural” game, the answer is yes, since they all focus on making the man actually have attractive qualities (such as honesty, confidence, social connections, and emotional stability), rather than simply presenting the appearance of these qualities.
It’s rather like “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, in that respect. (Whose advice is to cultivate a genuine interest in other people, as opposed to merely faking an interest in other people.)
I missed most of the PUA stuff, so bear with me a bit.
Does “honesty” include averred intention? Does the “natural” style promote the mutual and explicitly acknowledged one night stand associated with PUA, or does it foster a “Relationship Artist”?
Have discussions of the “inner” style conjured “ick” factors? Would continued discussions be frowned upon? (If yes, I think this is a more fruitful area for dissection.)
Does the “natural” style promote the mutual and explicitly acknowledged one night stand associated with PUA, or does it foster a “Relationship Artist”?
Different teachers promote different things. Daniel Rose, for example, says that one-night stands are stupid because you can’t get the same physical or emotional intensity that you can with a longer relationship. Soporno doesn’t seem to have an explicit duration preference, but implies that most of the women in his circle have been there for years, and that those who left because they thought they found “the one” are always welcome to return.
But now I’m sitting here repeating stuff that really should be in a FAQ. You should probably just search for my previous comments about these teachers, or perhaps just google their stuff directly; my comments are based on free materials of theirs, as I don’t actually spend any money on pickup stuff. I just read it for the articles, so to speak.
I think most of us here have had at least some exposure to the PUA worldview and a sizable fraction (including me) feels quite sympathetic to it. That said, I wouldn’t want to see a toplevel post introducing the basics. There’s already plenty of good introductory material elsewhere on the ’net, a couple clicks away. Our site will interest me more if it follows the general direction that Eliezer and Robin initiated at OB, not getting overly sidetracked into applied rationality topics like pickup, marketing or self-help.
I suspect that efficiency is not necessarily the reason that many dislike PUA techniques. Personally, I don’t particularly doubt that there are patterns for how women react to men (and vice versa), and that these can be used to have more sex. On the other hand, spiking people’s drinks or getting them drunk can also be used for the same purpose, and that’s commonly known as rape.
Sure, there are ways to hack into people’s minds to get them to do what you want. The fact that they exist doesn’t make them ethically acceptable.
Now, I don’t know whether PUA methods are or aren’t—but the fact that “the attitude that your partner should be respected” is seen as a negative thing seems to be pointing pretty clearly towards the no direction.
Sure, there are ways to hack into people’s minds to get them to do what you want. The fact that they exist doesn’t make them ethically acceptable.
Right. But now we have an ontological problem: “hack into someone’s mind” and “not hack into someone’s mind” are not natural kinds.
In any social, romantic interaction, there is some degree of mind-hacking going on. When a person spends all their time and energy chasing a member of the opposite gender who is not interested, what has happened is mindhacking. The pain of unrequited love is a result of asymmetric mindhacking.
Love itself is symmetric mindhacking: you have hacked her mind, and s/he has hacked yours, and both of your implicit utility functions have been shifted to highly value the other person.
What the Seduction community seeks is to allow men to create an asymmetric situation to cause a woman to have sex with them (and this is a place where some members of the community really do behave like assholes and not let the woman down gently afterwards, a practise know as “expectation management”, though the community has built up a tradition of karma: we ostracise men who break the rule of always managing expectations and leaving the woman in a happier state than when we met her).
The other major goal of the community is to allow the man to create a symmetric situation—which is usually achieved by first creating an asymmetric situation (male strong), and then gradually evening it out by allowing yourself to fall in love with the woman.
Women who have been “screwed and left” by pickup artists feel good about themselves more often than one would naively expect—and this surprised me until I realized that if the PUA has demonstrated enough alpha quality, the woman’s emotional mind has classified him as “good to have sex with even without commitment” because alpha-male sperm is so evolutionarily advantageous—if you are impregnated by an alpha male then your male descendants will have whatever alpha qualities he has—and will impregnate other women, spreading your genes.
I’ll also say that insofar as women think that PUA “mind-hacking” techniques are black-hat subversions of female rationality, the most obvious solution I see is disseminating more information about them. Knowledge of these techniques would allow women to at least attempt to “patch” themselves, assuming they are open to the idea that they actually work.
For example, say I learn about negs. I can either think, “Oh good, it’s fun to be attracted to guys, so I hope guys neg me effectively,” or “I think it is immoral to neg girls, the world would be a better place if guys didn’t do it, and individual guys who neg are probably not worth my time, therefore I will avoid them even if their techniques work and I find myself attracted to them.”
Either way, I think I’m better off knowing about negs and how they work. (Apologies for a not very nuanced view of the neg, but it’s not that relevant to my main point.)
I realized after I wrote this comment that I think learning about PUA is an excellent exercise in rationality for women in general and me specifically, since it exposes areas where I have in the past not always been aware of the reasons for my decisions.
I could see how women who believe themselves to be immune to PUA (perhaps because the are in fact immune), would not find the topic as interesting.
but the fact that “the attitude that your partner should be respected” is seen as a negative thing seems to be pointing pretty clearly towards the no direction.
No! NO! NO!
Your long-term partner should be your soulmate, with a high degree of mutual trust and respect. But a woman who you have not yet had sex with is simply not going to respond well to you “respecting” her.
But a woman who you have not yet had sex with is simply not going to respond well to you “respecting” her.
Actually, people in general will be creeped out or think you’re of lower status if you’re too easily impressed, i.e. offer too much “respect” before they feel they’ve earned it. It’s got nothing to do with gender, except insofar as low status-ness is unattractive.
I think that some people will easily misread your comment as implying that men should not respect women early in the interaction.
My guess is that you are actually trying to say something different, based on your use of “respect” in quotes: You are saying that women may not respond well to attempts by men to signal respect.
If you are saying the second thing, then I agree: it is important to hold respect for the other person at all points in the interaction, yet certain ways that society encourages men to signal respect are counterproductive and unattractive.
The subject definitely deserves a few top posts, considering how important it is, and how many misconceptions there are.
You get positive expected karma for almost every kind of activity, and karma doesn’t make much difference anyway, so I don’t know why you’re concerned about it.
You can always write it up on another blog and link to it here. I’m sure many people would follow and comment on it there. I’d certainly be interested in what experimental evidence you propose to collect in order to really confirm or refute the predictions of the theory.
Most people here don’t understand them because they have this model in their mind that if you treat an attractive woman nicely, try to respect her desires and needs, perhaps compliment her, with the internal attitude that women should be “respected” she will respond in kind by respecting your desire to have sex with her.
They never test this model by going to a bar and trying to use it to achieve the goal of sex with an attractive woman. I know this, because if they had tested it even 3 nights in a row, they would have discarded it as “broken”. I would love to go out into the field with 10 guys from LessWrong and alicorn to coach them, and watch them get rejected time after time by attractive women.
I would write a top level post explaining the techniques, the PUA model of the generic male-female interaction, the predictions it makes, and how you can go out and collect experimental evidence to confirm or disconfirm those predictions, but I think that I would not get promoted (no matter how good the post was from a rational perspective, measured in bits of information it conveys about the world) and not get much karma, because people here just don’t want to hear that truth.
Do PUA techniques withstand the woman’s reflection? Once made aware, do they acknowledge the effectiveness and accurately reaffirm their interest independently of the technique’s effect? If incredulous, is her attention held after a demonstration on another woman?
If the answer is yes, that does a good deal in converting PUA from a (“dirty”) trick (like Fool’s Mate, in chess) into a valid strategy (like Sicilian defense). If you could demonstrate valid strategies, you’d get a lot more karma out of the effort.
For PUA styles described as “inner”, “direct” or “natural” game, the answer is yes, since they all focus on making the man actually have attractive qualities (such as honesty, confidence, social connections, and emotional stability), rather than simply presenting the appearance of these qualities.
It’s rather like “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, in that respect. (Whose advice is to cultivate a genuine interest in other people, as opposed to merely faking an interest in other people.)
I missed most of the PUA stuff, so bear with me a bit. Does “honesty” include averred intention? Does the “natural” style promote the mutual and explicitly acknowledged one night stand associated with PUA, or does it foster a “Relationship Artist”?
Have discussions of the “inner” style conjured “ick” factors? Would continued discussions be frowned upon? (If yes, I think this is a more fruitful area for dissection.)
Yep.
Different teachers promote different things. Daniel Rose, for example, says that one-night stands are stupid because you can’t get the same physical or emotional intensity that you can with a longer relationship. Soporno doesn’t seem to have an explicit duration preference, but implies that most of the women in his circle have been there for years, and that those who left because they thought they found “the one” are always welcome to return.
But now I’m sitting here repeating stuff that really should be in a FAQ. You should probably just search for my previous comments about these teachers, or perhaps just google their stuff directly; my comments are based on free materials of theirs, as I don’t actually spend any money on pickup stuff. I just read it for the articles, so to speak.
I think most of us here have had at least some exposure to the PUA worldview and a sizable fraction (including me) feels quite sympathetic to it. That said, I wouldn’t want to see a toplevel post introducing the basics. There’s already plenty of good introductory material elsewhere on the ’net, a couple clicks away. Our site will interest me more if it follows the general direction that Eliezer and Robin initiated at OB, not getting overly sidetracked into applied rationality topics like pickup, marketing or self-help.
I suspect that efficiency is not necessarily the reason that many dislike PUA techniques. Personally, I don’t particularly doubt that there are patterns for how women react to men (and vice versa), and that these can be used to have more sex. On the other hand, spiking people’s drinks or getting them drunk can also be used for the same purpose, and that’s commonly known as rape.
Sure, there are ways to hack into people’s minds to get them to do what you want. The fact that they exist doesn’t make them ethically acceptable.
Now, I don’t know whether PUA methods are or aren’t—but the fact that “the attitude that your partner should be respected” is seen as a negative thing seems to be pointing pretty clearly towards the no direction.
Right. But now we have an ontological problem: “hack into someone’s mind” and “not hack into someone’s mind” are not natural kinds.
In any social, romantic interaction, there is some degree of mind-hacking going on. When a person spends all their time and energy chasing a member of the opposite gender who is not interested, what has happened is mindhacking. The pain of unrequited love is a result of asymmetric mindhacking.
Love itself is symmetric mindhacking: you have hacked her mind, and s/he has hacked yours, and both of your implicit utility functions have been shifted to highly value the other person.
What the Seduction community seeks is to allow men to create an asymmetric situation to cause a woman to have sex with them (and this is a place where some members of the community really do behave like assholes and not let the woman down gently afterwards, a practise know as “expectation management”, though the community has built up a tradition of karma: we ostracise men who break the rule of always managing expectations and leaving the woman in a happier state than when we met her).
The other major goal of the community is to allow the man to create a symmetric situation—which is usually achieved by first creating an asymmetric situation (male strong), and then gradually evening it out by allowing yourself to fall in love with the woman.
Women who have been “screwed and left” by pickup artists feel good about themselves more often than one would naively expect—and this surprised me until I realized that if the PUA has demonstrated enough alpha quality, the woman’s emotional mind has classified him as “good to have sex with even without commitment” because alpha-male sperm is so evolutionarily advantageous—if you are impregnated by an alpha male then your male descendants will have whatever alpha qualities he has—and will impregnate other women, spreading your genes.
I’ll also say that insofar as women think that PUA “mind-hacking” techniques are black-hat subversions of female rationality, the most obvious solution I see is disseminating more information about them. Knowledge of these techniques would allow women to at least attempt to “patch” themselves, assuming they are open to the idea that they actually work.
For example, say I learn about negs. I can either think, “Oh good, it’s fun to be attracted to guys, so I hope guys neg me effectively,” or “I think it is immoral to neg girls, the world would be a better place if guys didn’t do it, and individual guys who neg are probably not worth my time, therefore I will avoid them even if their techniques work and I find myself attracted to them.”
Either way, I think I’m better off knowing about negs and how they work. (Apologies for a not very nuanced view of the neg, but it’s not that relevant to my main point.)
I realized after I wrote this comment that I think learning about PUA is an excellent exercise in rationality for women in general and me specifically, since it exposes areas where I have in the past not always been aware of the reasons for my decisions.
I could see how women who believe themselves to be immune to PUA (perhaps because the are in fact immune), would not find the topic as interesting.
No! NO! NO!
Your long-term partner should be your soulmate, with a high degree of mutual trust and respect. But a woman who you have not yet had sex with is simply not going to respond well to you “respecting” her.
Actually, people in general will be creeped out or think you’re of lower status if you’re too easily impressed, i.e. offer too much “respect” before they feel they’ve earned it. It’s got nothing to do with gender, except insofar as low status-ness is unattractive.
I think that some people will easily misread your comment as implying that men should not respect women early in the interaction.
My guess is that you are actually trying to say something different, based on your use of “respect” in quotes: You are saying that women may not respond well to attempts by men to signal respect.
If you are saying the second thing, then I agree: it is important to hold respect for the other person at all points in the interaction, yet certain ways that society encourages men to signal respect are counterproductive and unattractive.
The subject definitely deserves a few top posts, considering how important it is, and how many misconceptions there are.
You get positive expected karma for almost every kind of activity, and karma doesn’t make much difference anyway, so I don’t know why you’re concerned about it.
You can always write it up on another blog and link to it here. I’m sure many people would follow and comment on it there. I’d certainly be interested in what experimental evidence you propose to collect in order to really confirm or refute the predictions of the theory.