Like, I want to agree wholeheartedly with the poster’s distaste for the described situation, separate from my ability to evaluate whether it took place.
As a general dynamic, no idea if it was happening here but just to have as a hypothesis, sometimes people selectively follow rules of behavior around people that they expect will seriously disapprove of the behavior. This can be well-intentioned, e.g. simply coming from not wanting to harm people by doing things around them that they don’t like, but could have the unfortunate effect of producing selected reporting: you don’t complain about something if you’re fine with it or if you don’t see it, so the only reports we get are from people who changed their mind (or have some reason to complain about something they don’t actually think is bad). (Also flagging that this is a sort of paranoid hypothesis; IDK how the world is on this dimension, but the Litany of Gendlin seems appropriate. Also it’s by nature harder to test, and therefore prone to the problems that untestable hypotheses have.)
This literally happened with Brent; my current model is that I was (EDIT: quite possibly unconsciously/reflexively/non-deliberately) cultivated as a shield by Brent, in that he much-more-consistently-than-one-would-expect-by-random-chance happened to never grossly misbehave in my sight, and other people, assuming I knew lots of things I didn’t, never just told me about gross misbehaviors that they had witnessed firsthand.
As a general dynamic, no idea if it was happening here but just to have as a hypothesis, sometimes people selectively follow rules of behavior around people that they expect will seriously disapprove of the behavior. This can be well-intentioned, e.g. simply coming from not wanting to harm people by doing things around them that they don’t like, but could have the unfortunate effect of producing selected reporting: you don’t complain about something if you’re fine with it or if you don’t see it, so the only reports we get are from people who changed their mind (or have some reason to complain about something they don’t actually think is bad). (Also flagging that this is a sort of paranoid hypothesis; IDK how the world is on this dimension, but the Litany of Gendlin seems appropriate. Also it’s by nature harder to test, and therefore prone to the problems that untestable hypotheses have.)
This literally happened with Brent; my current model is that I was (EDIT: quite possibly unconsciously/reflexively/non-deliberately) cultivated as a shield by Brent, in that he much-more-consistently-than-one-would-expect-by-random-chance happened to never grossly misbehave in my sight, and other people, assuming I knew lots of things I didn’t, never just told me about gross misbehaviors that they had witnessed firsthand.
Damn.