RE: “Lots of upper middle class adults hardly know how to have conversations...”
I will let Anna speak for herself, but I have evidence of my own to bring… maybe not directly about the thing she’s saying but nearby things.
I have noticed friends who jumped up to upper middle class status due to suddenly coming into a lot of wealth (prob from crypto stuff). I noticed that their conversations got worse (from my POV).
In particular: They were more self-preoccupied. They discussed more banal things. They spent a lot of time optimizing things that mostly seemed trivial to me (like what to have for dinner). When I brought up more worldly topics of conversation, someone expressed a kind of “wow I haven’t thought about the world in such a long time, it’d be nice to think about the world more.” Their tone was a tad wistful and they looked at me like they could learn something from me, but also they weren’t going to try very hard and we both knew it. I felt like they were in a wealth/class bubble that insulated them from many of the world’s problems and suffering. It seemed like they’d lost touch with their real questions and deep inner longings. I don’t think this was as true of them before, but maybe I wasn’t paying sufficient attention before, I dunno.
It’s like their life path switched from ‘seeking’ to ‘maintaining’. They walked far enough, and they picked a nice spot, and now that’s where they at.
I used to work in tech. My coworkers were REALLY preoccupied with trivial things like Pokemon Go, sports, video games, what to eat/drink, new toys and gadgets, how to make more money, Marvel movies, career advancement. Almost to the point of obsession. It was like an adult playground atmosphere… pretty fun, pretty pleasant, and pretty banal. Our job was great. The people were great. The money was great. And I personally had to get the f out of there.
This isn’t to say that they aren’t capable of having ‘real conversations’ about the world at times. But on the day-to-day level, I sensed an overwhelming force trying to keep them from looking at what the world is actually like, the part they’re playing in it, what really matters, etc. It felt like a dream world.
They also tended to have an alcohol or drug ‘habit’ or ‘hobby’ of some kind. Pot or alcohol; take your pick.
My more NY-flavored / finance-or-marketing-or-whatever-flavored friends like to drink, own nice watches, wear nice suits, have nice apartments, etc. Different flavor from the West Coast tech scene, but the same thing going on. They appear happy, happier than before. But also… eh. Their preoccupations again seem not-very-alive and have an artificial smell. They seem a bit blocked from having interesting and life-changing thoughts.
I don’t really judge the people I am talking about. I am sad about the situation but don’t feel like they’re doing something wrong.
I think the upper middle class capitalist dream is not all it is cracked up to be, and I would encourage people to try it out if they want to… but also to get over it once they’re done trying it? It’s nice for a while, and I like my friends having nice things and having money and stuff. But I don’t think it’s very character-building or teaching them new things or answering their most important questions. I also don’t like the way it insulates people from noticing how much death, suffering, and injustice there is going on.
Oh yeah they also spent a lot of time trying to have the right or correct opinions. So they would certainly talk about ‘the world’ but mostly for the sake of having “right opinions” about it. Not so that they could necessarily, like, have insights into it or feel connected to what was happening. It was a game with not very high or real stakes for them. They tended to rehash the SAME arguments over and over with each other.
This all sounds super fascinating to me, but perhaps a new post would be better for this.
My current best guess is that some people are “intrinsically” interested in the world, and for others the interest is only “instrumental”. The intrinsically interested are learning things about the real world because it is fascinating and because it is real. The instrumentally interested are only learning about things they assume might be necessary for satisfying their material needs. Throwing lots of money at them will remove chains from the former, but will turn off the engine for the latter.
For me another shocking thing about people in tech is how few of them are actually interested in the tech. Again, seems to be this intrinsical/instrumental distinction. The former group studies Haskell or design patterns or whatever. The latter group is only interested in things that can currently increase their salary, and even there they are mostly looking for shortcuts. Twenty years ago, programmers were considered nerdy. These days, programmers who care about e.g. clean code are considered too nerdy by most programmers.
I also don’t like the way it insulates people from noticing how much death, suffering, and injustice there is going on.
I often communicate with people outside my bubble, so my personal wealth does not isolate me from hearing about their suffering. If I won a lottery, I would probably spend more time helping people, because that’s the type of thing I sometimes do, and I would now have more free time for that. I would expect this to be even stronger for any effective altruist.
(There is a voice in my head telling me that this all might be a fundamental attribution error, that I am assuming fixed underlying personality traits that only get better expressed as people get rich, and underestimate the effect of the environment, such as peer pressure of other rich people.)
Your next comment (people for whom having “right opinions” is super important) sounds to me like managers. Having an opinion different from other managers is a liability; it signals that you are either not flexible enough or can’t see what your superiors want you to think.
Bit of a nitpick, but FYI I think you’re using “worldly” here in almost the opposite of the way it’s usually used. It seems like you mean “weighty” or “philosophical” or something to do with the big questions in life. Whereas traditionally, the term means:
of or concerned with material values or ordinary life rather than a spiritual existence
On that definition I’d say it was your friends who wanted to talk about worldly stuff, while you wanted to push the conversation in a non-worldly direction! (As I understand, the meaning originally comes from contrasting “the world” and the church.)
Oh, hmmmmm. Sorry for lack of clarity. I don’t remember exactly what the topic I brought up was. I just know it wasn’t very ‘local’. Could have been philosophical / deep. Could have been geopolitical / global / big picture.
RE: “Lots of upper middle class adults hardly know how to have conversations...”
I will let Anna speak for herself, but I have evidence of my own to bring… maybe not directly about the thing she’s saying but nearby things.
I have noticed friends who jumped up to upper middle class status due to suddenly coming into a lot of wealth (prob from crypto stuff). I noticed that their conversations got worse (from my POV).
In particular: They were more self-preoccupied. They discussed more banal things. They spent a lot of time optimizing things that mostly seemed trivial to me (like what to have for dinner). When I brought up more worldly topics of conversation, someone expressed a kind of “wow I haven’t thought about the world in such a long time, it’d be nice to think about the world more.” Their tone was a tad wistful and they looked at me like they could learn something from me, but also they weren’t going to try very hard and we both knew it. I felt like they were in a wealth/class bubble that insulated them from many of the world’s problems and suffering. It seemed like they’d lost touch with their real questions and deep inner longings. I don’t think this was as true of them before, but maybe I wasn’t paying sufficient attention before, I dunno.
It’s like their life path switched from ‘seeking’ to ‘maintaining’. They walked far enough, and they picked a nice spot, and now that’s where they at.
I used to work in tech. My coworkers were REALLY preoccupied with trivial things like Pokemon Go, sports, video games, what to eat/drink, new toys and gadgets, how to make more money, Marvel movies, career advancement. Almost to the point of obsession. It was like an adult playground atmosphere… pretty fun, pretty pleasant, and pretty banal. Our job was great. The people were great. The money was great. And I personally had to get the f out of there.
This isn’t to say that they aren’t capable of having ‘real conversations’ about the world at times. But on the day-to-day level, I sensed an overwhelming force trying to keep them from looking at what the world is actually like, the part they’re playing in it, what really matters, etc. It felt like a dream world.
They also tended to have an alcohol or drug ‘habit’ or ‘hobby’ of some kind. Pot or alcohol; take your pick.
My more NY-flavored / finance-or-marketing-or-whatever-flavored friends like to drink, own nice watches, wear nice suits, have nice apartments, etc. Different flavor from the West Coast tech scene, but the same thing going on. They appear happy, happier than before. But also… eh. Their preoccupations again seem not-very-alive and have an artificial smell. They seem a bit blocked from having interesting and life-changing thoughts.
I don’t really judge the people I am talking about. I am sad about the situation but don’t feel like they’re doing something wrong.
I think the upper middle class capitalist dream is not all it is cracked up to be, and I would encourage people to try it out if they want to… but also to get over it once they’re done trying it? It’s nice for a while, and I like my friends having nice things and having money and stuff. But I don’t think it’s very character-building or teaching them new things or answering their most important questions. I also don’t like the way it insulates people from noticing how much death, suffering, and injustice there is going on.
Oh yeah they also spent a lot of time trying to have the right or correct opinions. So they would certainly talk about ‘the world’ but mostly for the sake of having “right opinions” about it. Not so that they could necessarily, like, have insights into it or feel connected to what was happening. It was a game with not very high or real stakes for them. They tended to rehash the SAME arguments over and over with each other.
This all sounds super fascinating to me, but perhaps a new post would be better for this.
My current best guess is that some people are “intrinsically” interested in the world, and for others the interest is only “instrumental”. The intrinsically interested are learning things about the real world because it is fascinating and because it is real. The instrumentally interested are only learning about things they assume might be necessary for satisfying their material needs. Throwing lots of money at them will remove chains from the former, but will turn off the engine for the latter.
For me another shocking thing about people in tech is how few of them are actually interested in the tech. Again, seems to be this intrinsical/instrumental distinction. The former group studies Haskell or design patterns or whatever. The latter group is only interested in things that can currently increase their salary, and even there they are mostly looking for shortcuts. Twenty years ago, programmers were considered nerdy. These days, programmers who care about e.g. clean code are considered too nerdy by most programmers.
I often communicate with people outside my bubble, so my personal wealth does not isolate me from hearing about their suffering. If I won a lottery, I would probably spend more time helping people, because that’s the type of thing I sometimes do, and I would now have more free time for that. I would expect this to be even stronger for any effective altruist.
(There is a voice in my head telling me that this all might be a fundamental attribution error, that I am assuming fixed underlying personality traits that only get better expressed as people get rich, and underestimate the effect of the environment, such as peer pressure of other rich people.)
Your next comment (people for whom having “right opinions” is super important) sounds to me like managers. Having an opinion different from other managers is a liability; it signals that you are either not flexible enough or can’t see what your superiors want you to think.
Bit of a nitpick, but FYI I think you’re using “worldly” here in almost the opposite of the way it’s usually used. It seems like you mean “weighty” or “philosophical” or something to do with the big questions in life. Whereas traditionally, the term means:
On that definition I’d say it was your friends who wanted to talk about worldly stuff, while you wanted to push the conversation in a non-worldly direction! (As I understand, the meaning originally comes from contrasting “the world” and the church.)
Oh, hmmmmm. Sorry for lack of clarity. I don’t remember exactly what the topic I brought up was. I just know it wasn’t very ‘local’. Could have been philosophical / deep. Could have been geopolitical / global / big picture.